Zero to Sixty

Out of Babylon came Jezebel, the Scarlet Whore, whose relevance is tenuous at best; but it's possibly an appealing way to start. It certainly sounded appealing to the Zero2Sixty.

Mild mannered urban agriculturalist and primary producer Rex Monday offered to a small group of his most intimate friends a sample of of his latest and most fiendish strain yet. A deliberate chromosomal aberration resulting in a gene stock which from conception, displayed exceptional vigour and an insatiable appetite for hydroponic fertilizer products.

There was a sudden change for the worse in the behaviour of the small group after consuming the sample produce.

Instantly realising the globally devastating potential of his "accidental observations on the effect of various restricted chemicals on seed stock prior to germination", Rex Monday immediately ceased work on the "Jezebel Strain"; claiming that it was "merely an attempt to add substance to the relevance of Jezebel, Whore of Babylon", the concept of whom he found more than a little appealing.

After depositing all evidence of the mutant strain, along with the notes he'd "inadvertently taken" during his "accidental observations", Rex Monday returned from the compost heap; only to survey the most vile and hideous scene ever to befall his eyes. Where previously sat Rex's closest friends, there were now a small group of twisted, contorted creatures, so slithering and grotesque to behold that they could only be described as demons.

Overcoming his initial fear, Rex Monday cautiously approached the demons with their snarling, ghoulish features and politically incorrect use of facial hair. The savage, tortured souls lashed at Rex with their spindly appendages as he neared; whatever he tried, the demons responded in fits of ungracious and indignant outrage. "Nothing seems to tame these savage beasts", thought Rex as he looked for a reasonably 3D piece of wood to defend himself from their attacks.

In desperation, Rex gripped the fretboard of his old guitar. A small explosion of plaster dust sprayed from the wall as the valiant horticulturalist timely ripped his long abandoned instrument from it's fixed address.

Wielding the business end of the scarlet Explorer in a particular demon's general direction, Rex began to notice an unexpected change in the manner of these loathesome, macabre, servants of the Devil himself whose very appearance would strike terror in the heart of anyone who fears revolting, disfigured beings that could swarm and consume the planet with their hideous presence and blood-curdling screams. Screams that sound as though broadcast from a repulsive, toxic pit full of freakish unfortunates that might ruthlessly drain us of our blood at any minute simply to relish in the pleasure alone; or maybe even just for relish.

Anyway, we'll spare you most of the gory details, and cut to the moral of the story which obviously is music tames the savage beast; and that's good enough for the Zero to Sixty

What of Rex Monday; our band of Gibson-tamed savage beasts; and of course the more than slightly appealing Jezebel, Scarlet Whore of Babylon? Don't know actually, maybe tune in next time?

the Zero to Sixty

Mike Oldfield, Zeppelin, Floyd, Purple, Muse, Megadeth....