My Contemplations [Click Clack]
This is a song about my inner demons surfacing. Do I give up, or keep fighting?
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Story behind the song
This is a song about my inner demons surfacing. Do I give up, or keep fighting?
Lyrics
Alone in tha rain, single loaded strap/
over tha edge 'bout to pop my own cap/
can't handle this stress no mo'/
I've got it cocked, unlocked, ready to blow/
but I uncock it...this shit ain't worth it/
but I push it to my temple, 'cause I feel I deserve it/
times is too much, I'm dealin' without/
close my eyes, got this cold steel in my mouth/
no...I love life, just not tha pain/
I'll go self afflicted...do it all in vain/
just broken hearted, really tired/
it's either this or light this city on fire/
but I'm not out to hurt others, sick of hunger/
wish I coulda been more nice to my little brothers/
so I push tha barrel at an angle/
make sure my brain gets mangled/
all life lines get tangled...no, I can't, I'm really scared/
but thoughts ain't new, I've been prepared/
feel distant from my family, avoidin' issues/
deja vu of residual brain tissue/
sorry mama, I'll miss you/
regret all tha moments I didn't kiss you/
feel I can't convince you...I gotta blame somebody/
got this pistola, I couldn't find tha shotty/
you did your best, times were hard/
I grew...knew right from wrong with disregard/
this ain't tha life I wanted to live/
one single bullet and a shit's what I give/
lost in tha system, downward spiral/
last minute debation 'cause this is all final/
sweats pourin', adrenaline racing/
seconds tickin', hands shaking/
didn't y'all see tha monster I've become?/
I'd rather be gone than be a filthy bum/
I apologize, I've accepted but can't forget/
tha hurt in my life like an overdue debt/
It keeps callin' and callin' and callin'/
but I keep stallin' and stallin' and stallin'/
time passes, wounds heal, I admit/
but just like that last verse, I'll never forget/
memory's torture, I've tried, I can't push no more/
last chance to decide before they put chalk on tha floor/
outline my life, no one will ever know tha real me/
if I'm lucky y'all might exploit this tragedy/
more to live for, I can't give up now/
uncock this shit, I ain't about this coward route/
I'm about more, no...uhhhhh no, I've gotta keep ahold of my soul/
it ain't my time to go, I keep battlin' self control/
movin' down this curvy twisted road/
got more to live for, stones unturned/
If I go now, I remain unlearned/
my inner demons almost won, I fought, still here/
fuck dying, got plenty more years/
can't take myself out, tha easy way out/
tha coward route, that ain't what I'm about...
