This appears in the musical: "The House on Penbrook Way" when Amy, a girl from LA is now in London and she is telling her new friend Sally about her dating experiences.
Lyrics
Amy:
BET THE GUYS HERE
ARE REALLY SOPHISTICATED
BET THE GUYS HERE
ARE FAR LESS COMPLICATED
THAN OTHER GUYS THAT I’VE KNOWN
BACK HOME!
I BET THE GUYS HERE
THEY OPEN THE CAR DOORS FOR YOU
I BET THE GUYS HERE
THEY’LL GO TO THE STORES FOR YOU
INSTEAD OF MAKING YOU GO ON YOUR OWN
LIKE OTHER GUYS I’VE KNOWN BACK HOME
I DID MY FAIR SHARE OF DATING
I’VE BEEN AROUND
I’VE DATED EVERY GUY THAT COULD BE FOUND
BUT EVERY DATE I WENT ON
FATE WAS BENT ON
PUSHING ME BACK ON THE REBOUND
FIRST THERE WAS THAT AWFUL PREP
WITH THE MOST AWFUL REPUTATION THAT I’D EVER KNOWN
I HEARD HE TRIED TO PRO-CREATE
ON A FIRST DATE
BEFORE THEY EVEN MADE IT HOME.
SO THERE HE WAS UNZIPPING MY PANTS
AND THERE I WAS SHITTING MY PANTS
THINKING “LORD, I’M ONLY THIRTEEN!
I SHOULDN’T KNOW THIS STUFFF ‘TILL IM OLD ENOUGH
TO SNEAK INTO AN R-17
SO I SENT HIM ON HIS WAY
TWO MONTHS LATER, TURNED OUT HE’D TURNED GAY
BUT WHAT DO YOU EXPECT
FROM A GUY WHO FLIRTS
WEARING KHAKI PANTS AND PINK POLO SHIRTS?
I’LL LET SOME OTHER GUY TAKE THE BRUNT
OF THAT GUYS NEXT DATING STUNT
NEXT THERE WAS THIS STUPID JOCK
BUILT LIKE A HORSE AND TOUGH AS A ROCK
BUT HE WAS A BIT OF A DUH!
MORE SO THAN THE GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA
THE FIGURE LOOKED THE SAME
BUT UNFORTUNATLY HE LACKED A BRAIN
THEY’RE ALL FOOLS
THEY’RE ONLY GOOD WITH THEIR BALLS
SO I SENT HIM BACK TO THE GYM
Sally:
AMY, LET ME GIVE YOU A NEWS FLASH
FOR I TOO THINK THAT ALL GUYS ARE TRASH!
IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT KIND
THEY’RE ALL THE SAME
THEY’VE JUST GOT ONE THING IN MIND
AND IT’S THE MATING GAMY
Sally and Amy:
GUYS ARE NOT DIFFERENT HERE OR THERE
INFACT, GUYS ARE THE SAME EVERYHWERE!
THEY’RE ALL A BUNCH OF
STUPID
LYING
TECHNOLOGY BUYING
TRUTH DENYING
COMMON SENSE DEFYING
NEVER TRYING HARD ENOUGH
GUYS!
