RECORDING=PERSONAL STUDIO A funny Country song co-written with Steve Krentzman. Be careful what kind of family you marry into: you may be in for some surprises!
Soulful Beach Groove music following in the footsteps of Van Morrison, Eva Cassidy, Bill Withers, Jack Johnson, Elton John and Sting... with a French twist!
Story behind the song
Inspired by a true story (mine? I will keep you guessing)
Lyrics
The contract was valid in all fifty states
She looked beautiful in white, my bowtie was on straight
The caterers outdid themselves, the DJ was awesome
And here was the rest of her family, I finally got to meet ‘em
And so, just minutes from the altar, I was beginning to falter
CHORUS 1
I never knew her brother Waylon
Was a twice convicted felon
And who’d have guessed that Grandma Shirley
Used to be Grandpa Curley
Cousin Bea, the aging vixen
She helped to bring down Nixon
I was wondering did the apple fall real far
From the family tree
Thanksgiving at her mother’s, the turkey hit the fan
The backyard meth lab exploded, goodbye Stepdaddy Dan
The whole extended family came together, time to mourn
Even Sister Jenna the actress took a break from porn
Now the warning signals were getting clear, what was I doing here?
CHORUS 2
Her little nephew Brett
Was traded in a gambling debt
Uncle Jed, the family lawyer
Got arrested as a voyeur
His common-law wife Noreen
Had the worst personal hygiene
I was wondering did the apple fall real far
From the family tree
BRIDGE
Just when I thought I’d seen enough
I caught my wife rotating tires in the buff
CHORUS 3—Breakdown
That’s when I knew it was all over
So I loaded up the van
My wife said “goodbye, you’re the loser
I’m staying here with my clan”
Now I’m glad I cut my losses
Because I started a brand new life
With in-laws I can be darn proud of
And a normal lovely wife
LAST CHORUS
I never knew her brother Waylon
Was a twice convicted felon
And who’da guessed that Grandma Shirley
Used to be Grandpa Curley
Cousin Bea, the aging vixen
She helped to bring down Nixon
And the apple didn’t fall real far…from the family tree
BACKGROUND VOCALS
The apple never falls too far from the family tree (repeat)
ENDING
There was an alligator wrestler,
a pitbull breeding gangster,
a roadkill mortician,
a crooked politician,
A no-license fish-and-gamer,
And a rattlesnake charmer
A rotted tooth dentist
A 23rd day adventist
A boiler room scammer and a
Internet spammer
A police car Mechanic who
Smoked all things botanic
A seller of chewed tobacco
This whole family was wacko
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