I am the very model of a cliché driven Santa Clause
I sit around in large stuffed suits in the middle of the malls
I’m only 35 and need the money to buy a car
So I subject myself to torture to earn enough dollars
So come on children and tell me about everything
You want your parents to buy you and then say it’s from me
I’m really cheap I wouldn’t give you a single thing
But parents lie to you and say that the presents are from me.
Oh, Keeping in tradition that is not the true cause
Of Christmas joys, Christmas toys, and the dancing Santa dolls
Greed corporate owners they love the money
And they’re very happy with the cash that they make off of me
My life started off just like any other boy’s would
My parents took care of me and I acted like I should
And I knew without a doubt if I could just be good
Santa would bring me gifts all throughout my childhood
I was good and all year long hoping for that special time
When all the presents under the tree would be mine
Santa’s name wrote over them in the bright paper
That like my heart would soon be ripped open and threw into the dumpster
Later that year my heart was broke when I knew it was fake
And the reasons Christmas stays and that we all celebrate
Greedy corporate owners, they love the money
And they’re very happy with the cash that they make off of me.
Once I knew Santa was fake my life went downhill
I didn’t really want to live, I was maybe cynical
I decided that the pain that I endured hurt so much
I wanted to share it with the children’s heart so much
So in November I saw the want ad at the mall
I signed up to be a fake picture-taking Santa Clause
And get a child’s hopes up and drive their parents to Wal-mart
Knowing one day soon I would rip out all their hearts
So if you don’t know Santa’s fake let me tell you right now
He’s a lie there’s no North Pole It’s all a trick, now you know
Greedy corporate owners, they love the money
And they’re very happy with the cash that they make off of me
