"All I ever wanted to be was Grand Poobah..." Howard Cunningham
thanks for having a look at my page. I hope you like my songs.
Song Info
Genre
Author
Robert George/AI
Uploaded
January 17, 2026
Track Files
MP3
MP3 8.8 MB • 320 kbps • 3:50
Lossless
WAV 42.0 MB
Character
Energy
relaxed, cool
high-energy
Danceable
coffee-place
dancefloor
Lyrics
The Magician
White steam puffed up from a manhole
Like a rabbit from a hat
While I waited for Contessa
Near a bayside Laundromat
Then she rolled up in the darkness
With a long black fancy ride
Just a rich old battleaxe, with a buncha Cadillacs
And a pool boy on the side
With a pair of pince-nez glasses
Resting on a pointy nose
Old Chihuahua in her handbag
And his sweater matched her clothes
Then she said she’d heard some rumors
I could make things disappear
Yeah, there’d been some sleight of hand, in the jobs I might’ve planned
And the clues were never clear
Yeah, they call me the Magician
Cos my mind’s a bag o’ tricks
Stole a cruiser from a cop
Right outside a donut shop
Then I slipped off in the mist
Told me if her husband vanished
It’d set his fortune free
Maybe I could have him shot, on his monster pleasure yacht
And then dump him in the sea
And I watched her diamond bracelets
Sparkle with a brilliant flash
Thought of ev’ry bank I’d robbed, then I said I’d do the job
For a cold hard million cash
Then Contessa said she noticed
That my partner ain’t around
So I said Antoine was busy
Payin’ off a badge downtown
Told her where to bring the money
And she’d better not be late
I’d see her tomorrow night, and then I slipped outta sight
Like a card cheat’s ace of spades
Yeah, they call me the Magician
Cos I’m quicker than the eye
I once robbed an armored car
Posing as a rookie guard
Then I slipped off on the sly
Well, the night was fulla clouds
Then a silver moon slipped out
Like a quarter from behind a young child’s ear
And a two-man team of dwarfs
Juggled torches on the wharf
When she met me with a briefcase by the pier
She’d just handed me the briefcase
And was gonna seal the deal
Some guy pulled up in a cop car
With a gold detective’s shield
Well, Contessa wound up handcuffed
To a fencepost on the beach
And the dwarfs both overheard, but they won’t say a word
Cos they got a bracelet each
And the pawnshop got a thousand
Where Antoine’d bought that badge
We poured sterno on the cop car
Looked around and lit a match
Then I said goodbye to Antoine
Cos we’d made our final score
Then I dropped on outta sight, through a trapdoor in the night
And appeared on Maui’s shores
Yeah, they call me the Magician
Cos I always slip away
But I’ve never used a gun
Cos I’d never kill someone
I was in it for the pay
