"All I ever wanted to be was Grand Poobah..." Howard Cunningham
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Song Info
Genre
Author
Robert George
Uploaded
April 15, 2025
Track Files
MP3
MP3 9.2 MB • 320 kbps • 4:00
Lossless
WAV 43.9 MB
Lyrics
I was huntin in the foothills of the Smokies
When I stumbled on a tiny bar
And a goofy, drunken geezer, by the name of Ebenezer
Was-a-showin off a crazy, jagged scar
He said he was on a nearby lakeside fishin
When a big ole monster pulled him in
Razor teeth bit through his britches, and he needed thirty stitches
It looked prehistoric with a spiny fin
Said its an aquatic dinosaur
Snatchin dogs n rabbits near the shore
Big n mean and it aint been seen
For a billion yearsre more
They were justa buncha loud buffoons
And they talked away the afternoon
Spreadin legends that theyd seen on websites
Mermaids left behind by Georgia ebb tides
One guy said that Blackbeards ghost
Haunts a cruise ship off the coast
You could float to Oz
In a big balloon
With the stories that inflate
The hot air saloon
Then they drank another round and kept on jawin
Some guy told a whopper of a tale
After last years late July flood, Sasquatch tracks were in the dry mud
He made plaster casts and still had some fer sale
And though evrybody seemed to trust his story
I thought they were little more than jokes
His so-called proof was not clear cut, hes a bozo with a beer gut
Makin money offa suckers with a hoax
Late that evening I was campin out
By a misty lake beneath the clouds
While I drank Jim Beam, from my old canteen
I began to think about
How theyre justa buncha loud buffoons
And they talk away the afternoons
Always spoutin' lotsa wacky theories
Some o' them are kinda strange and eerie
One guy crossed his heart and shook his fist
Said his ex-wife needs an exorcist
You could float to Oz
In a big balloon
With the stories that inflate
The hot air saloon
And then somethin bit down on my boot
Like a fool I dropped my gun and didnt shoot
Then someone rescued me, and when he pulled me free
He was eight feet tall and growlin like a brute
Now Im with a buncha loud buffoons
And we talk away the afternoons
Spreadin legends that we post on websites
Mermaids left behind by Georgia ebb tides
One guy stood and crossed his heart
Said his bear rug still cuts farts
You could float to Oz
In a big balloon
With the stories that inflate
The hot air saloon
Buddy, dont ask me for proof
Hell, I aint got any
That thing was big n furry, and my photos blurry
But the copies fetch a pretty penny
