License $0.00
Creative Commons license
Commercial uses of this track are NOT allowed.
Adaptations of this track are NOT allowed to be shared.
You must attribute the work in the manner specified by the artist.
Song Info
Genre
Charts
Peak #223
Peak in subgenre #26
Author
Vagenda
Rights
1994 Vagenda. All rights reserved
Uploaded
February 15, 2016
Track Files
MP3
MP3 3.9 MB • 160 kbps • 3:22
Story behind the song
*WARNING*
If you would rather enjoy this piece of art and have it come to mean something truly unique to you, do not read the backstory. Just as the band “Aerosmith” once criticized the music video industry of robbing fans from having their own visions of imagery associated to a song and supplanting it with some “official” footage, so too can knowing a songs backstory potentially come to rob it of having some special place and meaning for you.
Or both can exist. It’s all really subjective. Proceed with understanding.
Thank you,
V
The Official Backstory
This is a song about having been raped. This a true life story. I was raped by someone I was dating at the time, while drugged.
I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to confront them about it. I didn’t want to remember it. I just wanted to forget about it and move on, but it kept impacting my ability to trust anyone.
Society has a set of norms and expectations. I didn’t want to be a champion trying to fight that front either. I needed my own way of dealing with this, and for me, that was writing this song.
People can say what they want. Coming to know what this song really is about will undoubtedly anger some people, at least one in particular. I don’t care about that.
The first verse of this song is about what it was like in the initial moments leading up to what happened. I knew they had already cheated on me recently. They were not taking no for an answer. They used a lot of excuses why I should let them, a lot of coercive language, and a lot of telling me what I wanted them to do to me. In the end, they realized I was physically unable to defend myself at the time, and did what they wanted.
The second verse is my attempt to try to understand their thought process. I thought it would be less painful if I could understand, from their perspective, why they just went ahead doing what they did. I thought I might be able to understand some underpinning need that motivated them. I don’t think I ever came to feel I truly understood them.
The third verse was my imagining what this event looked like to them at the time. Consciously, subconsciously, and in the context of some specific things that had happened to them at that time in life. I don’t think they look in the mirror and think they raped someone. I don’t think that they are capable of owning that.
Lyrics
Beloved Whore
© 1994 Vagenda. All rights reserved
(Composed at age 17)
(Recorded on September 27, 2015)
If you want me to
Then don't ask me anymore
If you wrap your arms around me
Then we'll end up on the floor
Why do you want me
When you'd do the same to anyone
Don't humor me with reasons 'cause
If it's all the same
If it's all the same to you, then
Pardon me if I expected you to care
You Beloved Whore
You climb in silent gestures
Are you pleasing anyone
Behind a flirtatious mind
Is the soul of someone crying
Will you satisfy your interests
In me and then will just move on
I would have loved to heal you but
You were only having fun
You weren't hurting anyone
Felt your stomach start to burn
Not knowing one safe place to turn
Inside your mind, emotions burst
Searching for something in your thirst
For why you want to live this way
Is there anything
Left to say?
You Beloved Whore
