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Coffee (2003 Grind)
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A rant about cubicle life tempered with praise for the one substance worth abusing when coping with it. Punky and fun. This is a new re-recorded version of my favorite song from "Sumophobia."
comedy synth punk worm qu
Artist picture
Comedy synth-punk
Worm Quartet is a Rochester, NY-based band that forcibly staples punk and electronica together and throws them into a blender with hysterically twisted lyrics. They have been featured repeatedly on the Dr. Demento show, and had the most requested song of 2004 with the ex-girlfriend rant "Great Idea For A Song," collaborated with Sudden Death on the most requested song of 2005 "Inner Voice," and had the 2nd most requested song of 2002 with the anti-drummer anthem "Frank’s Not In The Band Anymore." Yowza. The sole member of Worm Quartet is a 6’4” 280-lb. bemulleted manic who insists on being called “Shoebox" and who poses by day as a mild-mannered software engineer. Worm Quartet is currently playing all over the damned place whenever possible to support the new CD "Mental Notes." More information can be found at www.wormquartet.com.
Song Info
Genre
Podcasts • Comedy
Charts
Peak #33
Peak in subgenre #12
Author
Timothy F. Crist
Rights
(C)2000 Timothy F. Crist
Uploaded
January 17, 2004
Track Files
MP3
MP3 4.0 MB • 128 kbps • 0:00
Story behind the song
I bought new recording software and wanted to try it out by re-recording an old WQ song. I'm pretty happy with the result, aren't you? This is my ode to the world I inhabit 40-50 hours. I sit in a cubicle, I type at a computer, and I pray for death. Please buy my CDs so I can sell out and leave this hell.
Lyrics
[V1:] Sitting in my cubicle Trying to pass the time Click the little envelope But no new mail's online My schedule program shows me All this crap I have to do A post-it note upon my desk says "Nobody called you" I write myself a reminder note To throw that note away I check my voice mail even though I've been sitting here all day It says "You have no messages No life no hope no friends" And You've still got seven hours 'Til this freakin’ workday ends [R1(organ and/or synth-choir):] But I can smell salvation It's brewing down the hall The percolator sings to me And I must heed its call As liquid touches styrofoam I feel the steam's sweet kiss And I know I'm just seconds away From caffeinated bliss [C1:] Coffee coffee coffee To stimulate my brain Coffee coffee coffee To make me less insane I used to be a zombie And I'd fall asleep at work Now everybody knows me as The hyperactive jerk [V2:] Now that I'm Chock full'o'nuts My job is just a game! I open up my phone book and I highlight every name! I bend my paper clips into The shapes of little men I search the net for Amish porn I take apart my pen I open up the three-hole punch And spill holes on the floor I fire staples ‘cross the room 'Til I don't have no more I laminate my lunch meat I link my rubber bands (Make a) Xerox of my hairy ass And fax it to Japan [R2:] And when the buzz starts wearing off And when I'm feeling low I pour myself another mug My cup shall overflow Eleven packs of sugar And a couple spoons of creamer And I shall receive the gift of life From my liquid redeemer [C2:] Coffee coffee coffee Come on and drink it up Coffee coffee coffee Nirvana in a cup I used to be a peon, just a worthless wad of gristle 'til I replaced by brain cells with instant Folger's crystals (Sound bites from cofee ads?) [Bridge (Minor:)] My boss calls me in his office He says "Now listen, you... "I have a little problem "with the crappy work you do "I never see you at your desk "So what's been going on? "Half the time you're at the coffee pot, "The rest you're in the John! "Your eyes are always bloodshed "Your hands they always shake "Your skin's the tone of dead flesh "At the bottom of a lake "We think this has to do with all “The coffee that you chug "So we’re switching you to decaf "And we’re cleaning out your mug" [R3:] These words to me were blasphemy I found them just appalling So I kicked that bastard somewhere That I knew would leave him crawling Now I’m jobless homeless on the street You could say I’ve got hard luck But I’ve got a gun and now I’m gonna Go hold up a STarbucks [C3:] Coffee coffee coffee With sugar and with cream Coffee coffee coffee The reason for my being I used to be so tired I'd pass out on the floor Now I haven't needed a wink of sleep Since 1994 [C4:] Coffee coffee coffee It's great to have around Coffee coffee coffee I even eat the grounds I used to be a drone, Now I'll never be the same! I drink a hundred cups a day Juan Valdez knows my name (Give me) Coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee (x4?) [Ramones tribute section:] Background: Coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee... Foreground: 20 20 24 hours to go...I wanna be caffeinated (Repeat over and over until my lungs explode)
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