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Dear God
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A nice little ditty about asking God to protect you from EVERYTHING...from sex-crazed robots to mutating bodily secretions! Inspired by people who think thay can sit on their asses and an invisible man in the sky will solve all their problems.
comedy synth punk worm qu
Artist picture
Comedy synth-punk
Worm Quartet is a Rochester, NY-based band that forcibly staples punk and electronica together and throws them into a blender with hysterically twisted lyrics. They have been featured repeatedly on the Dr. Demento show, and had the most requested song of 2004 with the ex-girlfriend rant "Great Idea For A Song," collaborated with Sudden Death on the most requested song of 2005 "Inner Voice," and had the 2nd most requested song of 2002 with the anti-drummer anthem "Frank’s Not In The Band Anymore." Yowza. The sole member of Worm Quartet is a 6’4” 280-lb. bemulleted manic who insists on being called “Shoebox" and who poses by day as a mild-mannered software engineer. Worm Quartet is currently playing all over the damned place whenever possible to support the new CD "Mental Notes." More information can be found at www.wormquartet.com.
Song Info
Genre
Podcasts • Comedy
Charts
Peak #27
Peak in subgenre #14
Author
Timothy F. Crist
Rights
(C)2003 Timothy F. Crist
Uploaded
January 17, 2004
Track Files
MP3
MP3 2.1 MB • 128 kbps • 0:00
Story behind the song
This is the song I almost always open with in my live shows. It's a great introduction to what WQ is all about...I love watching the faces in the crowd (or at least those in the crowd who can relate to my crap) go from confusion and concern to laughter, and it's ear-catching enough to drag people away from the bar.
Lyrics
Dear God Please don’t let my face explode Please don’t let my bones fall out Please don’t turn my nipples into giant screaming heads Don’t like Bjork and Dracula Make out with my spatula Please don’t let my butt be confiscated by the feds These things I do implore thee O God please don’t ignore me I may be paranoid as hell but who made me that way? The world is really scary And that is why I’m very concerned about all that could happen today (Dear God!) Don’t stick me ‘tween two irate Rhinos who are trying to mate Don’t replace the raisins in my bagels with dead flies Please don’t let my spleen expire Please don’t set my mom on fire Please don’t let my wife be Gilbert Gottfried in disguise O God why won’t you listen I’ve been a perfect Christian Except for all the blasphemy and heresy and sin Not looking for direction Just asking for protection from this screwed-up world that you have stuck me in (Dear God!) Please don’t let my sperm mutate Grow until they’re six foot eight Start a revolution and devour me from within Please don’t turn my Pepsi One Into rancid bison dung Please don’t let me be gang-raped by Teletubbies again It’s not that I’m not grateful In fact I’m very faithful Whenever I had to fart in church I always held it in I’ll follow you forever Just promise that you’ll never let anything bad happen to me again (Spoken part) Dear God! Please don’t let Optimus Prime be waiting for me in my bedroom with a bouquet of flowers and a strap-on. Please don’t let me be reincarnated as Starr Jones’ bicycle seat. Please don’t let me be force-fed crowbar sandwiches while a screaming horde of inbred nuns seductively rub my wife’s armpits with a croissant. Please don’t let Aquaman be living in my toilet. Please don’t let me be impregnated by a cross-eyed accountant in a day-glo green crotchless lobster costume. Please don’t let Jell-O shoot from every orifice in my body every time I see a rake. Please don’t let the IRS decide to pay me my tax refund in Miracle Whip. And please, God, don’t strike me with lightning for writing this stupid song! It’s not that I’m not grateful In fact I’m very faithful ‘Sides Allah said he’d do it so don’t make me turn to him I’ll follow you forever Just promise that you’ll never let anything bad happen to me Never let anything bad happen to me Never let anything bad happen to me Never let anything bad happen to me again
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