What Women Should Know: "A man who truly loves you will NEVER let you go, no matter how hard the situation is" What Men Should Know: "A woman who truly loves you will be angry at you for many things, but will stick around." ----------- For a former-commitment-phobe like me, this totally talks about me. Before, when the going gets tough, I would always pick my stuff up and leave. Actually, I did it during my 2-5 years of my relationship. I'd do it at least 3-4 times a year for a couple of days to one month (common ones last a week). We're on the 6th year now. Luckily, we wouldn't separate because of the usual cheat, beat and being taken for granted. Actually, he wouldn't even call that separation, since I would only be mad for a few days, and for some reason, he would have a way of bringing me back to our home and making it work. I leave when I get too emotionally distraught and I don't want to feel it anymore. Most times it would be because of an external situation and when I confide in him, he wouldn't be helpful, he would add on to it by choosing the other side. I mean, I'm not always going to be right, but when I'm mad, don't prove my side wrong... it'll just make me fight you because I'm already hurt and I admit, I'm a very emotional creature. Try being your own boss and not letting anyone else in the world know when you're not doing well because you know that the moment you let your guard down, someone out there will swoop in, celebrate your failures and crush you even harder. I'm very emotional. My only outlet is generally my music, my arts, my fiancee and my notebook. I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke cigarettes or weed, and I definitely don't do drugs to make me forget. These days, I just learned the meaning of "No matter how many times you get her mad, she'll stick around" because this year, I've only tried to leave twice ;) Eh? Eh? That's called progress buddy. :P 3 more months and if I keep this up, I'll congratulate myself for getting better. ^_^ I wonder if he'll ever get tired of bringing me back home. I wonder if I'll ever stop running away.

Sometimes, being alone helps get things done faster. It's harder these days as we are taught to be social creatures, which is also an important part of going after your dream. But we were only taught how to be social, not how to be alone. Whenever we think of being alone, we associate it with sadness, loneliness, emptiness and such. But if you think about all the other inventors or people that made a difference or have made histories, they were also alone. They were considered crazy so people didn't pay attention to what they were doing until they're forced to be reckoned with. Being brought up to a household of 7 siblings (including myself), I kept escaping my household (during naptime) to do my own thing. I still have more social skills than solo skills. It took me several years to finally cut people off of my life (those who are toxic, and those who doesn't know what to do with their lives, so they use up my time) and I'm now around a handful of people that aren't using up my time. But it's still taking a while to hone the skills of focus, which you can do mainly alone. I keep my visions in front of me though. More than half of my ideas haven't been thought off and aren't in existence and it keeps my spirits alive like an adventurer about to discover a new world, a new life and a new item. In my life, I live in my own imagination. Those that accepts this from me, are those that I chose to stay and be with. No one needs to understand me. They just need to accept me. With their acceptance, I don't get interrupted with my visions and I can continue my experiments, mistakes, going back to the drawing board, and trying again.

Young and unwise, I've yet to discover a cure for my A.D.D tendencies. Will I ever have complete concentration? Concentration is one of the traits that keeps eluding my grasp. I've created rituals on getting me focus, but no matter how many combinations of activities I do, I've yet to find the way that my mind and body works exclusively to complete one project in 4-6 hours. that generally, without concentration, would take me days to do. I would get into this zone out of fluke and by luck only. If you guys have any advice on how you mastered the art of concentration, please don't hesitate to comment. I would love to hear your story on how you do it. :)

The battle between me and WordPress continues, but at least Im almost there. I battled the themes (how do I make my blog site to look like a website and not an online diary) or plug-ins (activate, settings? What's that?) or the Pages (how come what Im posting isn't going up?) or the menu (uhm.. I created a page but I dont see it) and now the paypal integration (where do I get the API? I need to learn how to code? *sigh* I believe paypal is my last struggle and after this, I can certainly answer any beginner with no webdesigning backgrounds to create their own website). BUT the paypal struggle is still happening, but I can feel the end of the road already. Once that happens, I wouldnt need to rely on other webdesigners to do it for me. Im afraid that my ideas come up faster than they can finish. And Id rather use the investment of creating the website somewhere else.

:( im a nocturnal person. So I wake up at 12 pm. And when I went to the kitchen and found out that there's more coffee left.. I froze. My mind cant comprehend without coffee. :( :( Now I have to go outside and buy coffee. Aaaaahhhh! Today's a busy day too.