There was this boy whose father had just bought a new Mercedes. His father told him he could not get to drive the car unless he improved his grades in school, study the bible and had his hair cut. A month passed and the father told him, "I'm rather proud of you. You have improved your grades and even your knowledge of the bible is now quite good. But there's one thing and that is, your hair is still long ..." The boy protested, "But Adam had long hair, and so did Moses. Come to think of it, Jesus had long hair, too." His father replied, "But they walked."

Shawn and Mabel get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Shawn's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together. In the morning, Mark, Shawn's little brother gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Shawn and Mabel are up yet. She replies, "No." Mark asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school." Mark comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Shawn and Mabel up yet?" She replies, "No." Mark says, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school." After school, Mark comes home and asks again, "Are Shawn and Mabel up yet?" His mom says, "No." He asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "OK, now tell me what you think?" He says, "Last night Shawn came to my room for the Vaseline and I think ... I gave him my airplane glue ..."

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He Said : The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added : "And that woman was ... my Mother!" There was laughter and applause from the audience. A week later, a top manager trained by that same motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!" The wife went ; "ah!" with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out, "... and I can't remember who she was!" By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water. Moral of the story : Don't copy, if you can't paste !

A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer. She asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass the female, he told her to enter "penis". Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She almost died laughing at the computer's response: PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH.

The other day April and I took off to do a little window-shopping. I didn't care that much for the merchandise in the windows, but every now and again, a female sales clerk would catch my eye. April caught me at it. "You're like a kid in a candy store!" "Yeah, well, since I'm married to you, I'm like a kid with diabetes in a candy store."