I AM NOT A NIGGA! People get so caught up in the word nigga/nigger being racist & being used casually by black people. If you look into where the word came from it is actually not a racist word even though it was used in a racist manner. When Africans caught prisoners of war & made them into slaves they were called niggers as a disrespectful term that basically meant you are the lowest form of shit in existence. During the American slavery period all black people were called niggers...why? Cause black people were the lowest form of shit to the slave masters not because it was a term of reference to black people. Over time black people began to feel inferior & like they had no worth so they began to believe "we are niggers." On a subconscious level we hold some of the memories of those we were born from. The reason black people today accept the word nigga is because we see ourselves as inferior beings on a subconscious level. Look at how we treat, view, trust, take from, etc. each other. The actions of black people speak louder than words. The only time black people unite is during the moments we realize our entire race is in danger & we unite temporarily as a method of survival. Soon as the emotions die down the majority of black people will go back to looking at each other with hatred & destroying each other's lives(regardless of whether through physically attacking each other or not. Refusing to help each other, making fun of each other, etc. is still methods of destroying one another). ijs i'm not a nigga. If you want to be a nigga idgaf that is your life. You can be inferior & less than shit, but I know my worth & I won't be on the same level as anything considered below anyone. So say i'm not humble or w/e but i'm not less than shit. BTW if you listen to how I use the word nigga. Notice you never hear me say it & at the same time say good things

I was sitting here thinking about something…Why do we get stressed? Why are we afraid? Why do we say bad things about each other & spend so much time concentrated on race, skin, hair, clothes, etc.? I mean in the end when we die none of this means anything & death is inevitable. I just feel like a lot of things I believed in/felt really don’t mean a thing to me unless there is some way I can live forever…so why even care? I’m not saying people should kill themselves or that life isn’t worth caring about, but why do we spend so much time on useless & unimportant things. Why does it matter who discovered America when knowing won’t change tomorrow nor will it stop my death. Why study history if not to know what doesn’t work. Beyond that is the knowledge truly of any use? Is it that we don’t know ourselves or that we are being force fed who we are & it drowns out our true selves? I feel like I never once in my life didn’t know who I was. I feel like I always knew, but I was being force fed who I was supposed to be & felt like it was wrong to be myself, so I suppressed the true me in order to be who I was supposed to be. Honestly I feel like black unity groups also force fed me who I was supposed to be & told me I needed to study my ancestors to be myself, but my ancestors aren’t who I am. I already know who I am & never lost that. So it made me question what I am fighting for. I had to be real with myself & found that I am really not about black unity. I hate seeing people being treated wrongly or oppressed. That is what attracts me to those groups & not being black in itself. My true mentality is that of helping friends & destroying foes. Race, gender, species, etc. don’t play a role in my way of thinking. I have a future I desire to see & everyone around me only matters as far as they can help make that future a reality. I honestly will destroy anyone & anything that stands in my way & I will embrace anyone or anything that embraces me. What matters to me is my honor, pride, respect, code, etc. I am like a modern day samurai(lol. Forreal though). I enjoy life for it’s beauty I just feel like if we all have a limited amount of time before all of this means nothing…meaning your race, skin color, history, curly or straight hair, weave, sexy clothes, friends, family, what someone did to you in the past…everything will mean absolutely nothing one day. .. Then is the way you are living today truly worth spending on what you are currently doing. I mean why do we care if people bleach their skin, wear weave, hate us or w/e. Guess what? We’re going to die & they’re going to die and it’s not going to matter. Why waste what little time you have for this to mean something on disliking someone or something they are doing? Why spend it being angry? Why spend it arguing? Why spend it hurting each other? Why not spend it following your heart & making what is in your heart a reality. I mean what do you have to loose? Does it really matter if you look stupid or if no one believes you can do it? I mean none of it will matter one day, so you might as well go for it. At least you will get the enjoyment of the journey.

When I used to go to UMBC I was highly pissed in my African American studies class when we came to the subject of Rap/Hip Hop & if it related to anything from our history or if it was related to any other genre of music. People spoke as if they despised Hip Hop. They spoke with high tongues as if it was below them & the abomination of black people. That is why I stopped showing up to classes. I was so upset & felt like I didn't belong there. Hip Hop was my life. It had my heart & I could see that I was being judged negatively by the majority of black students there because of how I looked. They saw a thug that was below them, but didn't know who I truly was behind physical appearance. They couldn't see a highly intelligent young man fighting against the system for the freedom to be who he was. It may seem like not worth it to most people, but I realized at that point that music was what I wanted my life to be about. I only went to college, because my family expected me to be a dr, lawyer or one of those other “great” jobs, but I never wanted that. Matter of fact I was so unhappy in college, because there was nothing I wanted to do other than follow my dream. I felt like what is the point in having a back up plan if I was going to hate it? What is the purpose of life if not for your dreams? At that point life has become worthless & is being wasted. Being honest with myself if I accepted failure with my music & lived life with my back up job I would be too depressed & commit suicide. So I decided there would never be a back up plan for me to fall back on. There would never be an option to fail. There would be no cushion for me. What that did for me was give me to will to fight against all odds no matter what. To continue fighting even when my body told me it couldn’t take no more. You can destroy my body, but NO ONE can touch my soul! Back to the topic that pissed me off though. There is so much information that links Hip Hop to African History(especially slavery) & the history of all races to be honest, but I want to just name a few that were related to that particular situation(not all but a couple things). An Emcee or MC had it’s title originate from Master of Ceremonies. The position & responsibilities of the MC were much like that of the griots of African civilization. MCs are poets who tell stories, share knowledge, educate, etc. They brought positive & uplifting music before the gangsta era. They delivered messages. They were activists. There was a particular chapter in our African-American studies where the book described how slaves would use the chopping of wood as a beat while they sung old slave spirituals. Clearly if you don’t think that relates to Hip Hop you haven’t been in the lunch room at school when people who have nothing to do with each other start beating on the table & beat boxing while someone kicks rhymes about their struggles in life & how they feel oppressed by the school system. How the hell can you tell me that ain’t the same thing. Back during this time I was young as hell. None of us even knew about Malcolm X, Black Panthers, revolution or none of that & we were kicking rhymes about being tired of being oppressed(we didn’t even know at this point it was called oppression). It was in our blood. Another thing a lot of you probably didn’t know is that at the first Hip Hop parties(before Emcees were even created) they played James Brown, Rick James, Prince, etc. Eventually DJs started saying things over the track. Then later is when Emcees came in & started kicking rhymes. They sampled songs from every single genre of music. At one point Rap was called Rock. Some Rap songs are labeled Pop, Blues & even R&B. Don’t tell me that Hip Hop doesn’t relate to any other genre of music. FOH. Lets put all of the other things to the side & go to the basics. What makes up a rap song? Matter of fact what

There is no good or bad, light or dark, wrong or right...it is all an illusion created by the human mind...much like time... We complicate things much more than they need to be. The best choice to make in every situation in life is to choose the path that makes you happiest. In the end we were all brainwashed, so no one truly knows what they believe. The only answer we have to that is our emotions. Everyone always talks about YOLO, yet instead of spending that 1 life doing what makes them happy they try to do crazy things just because they will only get 1 life to do it. If those crazy things make you happy that is cool, but don't do it just to do it before you die

You know what I don't get...people get mad at drug dealers cause they sell drugs to people who CHOOSE to buy those drugs, yet nobody gets mad at cigarette smokers who kill people with 2nd hand smoke that CHOOSE NOT TO SMOKE. They don't have a choice in dealing with health issues & dying from someone else's bad choice, yet nobody says crap about cigarettes. You don't see people making movements to make cigarettes illegal. what kind of crap is that. If it is not a big deal for someone to unwillingly get killed by poison someone else uses I don't want to hear a goddamn thing out your mouth about poison someone chooses to kill themselves with.