Former Christian solder now pagan and older. Marine kill or die noble death wishing for order. Peace found in dark jungles murky waters and mud. Warring with people, fighting for evil, dying for love. Blessed and cursed by both god and the devil. Musical path of an engineering black rebel. Working for status and scraping for food. New views from new wave, New Testament is old news to same ways. Transformed resurrection purpose driven perfection. Guided by angels through unearthly earthly connections. Passed and perfected yet still scorned and rejected. Refused to place another stone on pagan temples erected. The warrior path unpaved yet well traveled. Honor courage commitment the only spoils of the battle. The heart of the mater is a matter of heart. Calming of the spirit to return to the start. The meaning of the samurai to serve is a lie. A samurai serves to train, kill, and to die . And in the process to destroy and to maybe save lives . When life is a battle all wars are the same . Arrogance and vanity passing as pride is a shame. Many are to blame yet few are named guilty. To finish with redemption is where "God's will" will be.

Our Father … I thought I spent a lifetime training to become something specific, but it turns out iv been training to live up to something else. I can honestly say that I have undertaken a journey of God. I may or may not have shown the proof of my worth to man, but I am certain God has watch and found favor. It is rare that I present anything of myself with such confidence and certitude, but this only proves to show the power and significance of how recent events have unfolded. In late November 2007, at the final review board, former candidate Todd was disenrolled from the United States Officer Candidate School, OCC 196. But this former candidate did not fail and at the final moment of judgment, this former candidate was proven not only to have been a man of honor, but a gentleman. My cumulative GPA was an 81.92%, a marginal yet passable score. I was dropped because I took a risk. I took on one of the hardest billets on one of the most confusing of days, in a situation with the strictest control constraints. It was an honor and a curse, with a 30% chance of survival. I did not survive, but though I failed my answer was the only correct Marine Corps answer. It is not consolation, but sadness was expressed by the Marine Corps when I was disenrolled. Though the wisdom of God and Corps are to be trusted and followed with confidence, I was still viewed upon as a man who meant something positive and consistent with the promotion of the core values: honor, courage, and commitment. I do not wear the weighted bars of a 2nd Lieutenant, but I left with a seal of approval fundamental to Officer and Marine. Candidate Todd had something special and right, and if he had only shown his gift to key evaluators at the right time maybe he would have been an officer. He did not, and God willed it thus, for the lives and destinies of man are all according to his will. But a shroud has been placed upon me in order to walk with God and fight as Jesus has prescribed and to know that the soul of the Marine Corps was shared with this former candidate and must be used to live on. The good lord has made this world a cruel and violent place full of deceit and corruption. For a man to be anything more than warped and twisted by evil is truly a grace and gift from God. With challenges and snares often designed to destroy us; it is quite the opportunity indeed to embark on fight for one’s true life to defend ones very soul. Success in such a fight is not accountable by victory stats or points on a grade sheet, but though vision filtered by the screen of character, virtue and justice, all of which are characterized by heart. -Amen

As a hobby I took on an audio music programming adventure. The adventure became an obsession. At some point at the end of spring I started developing this program to control another program which was an interpreter for another program. Basically it is a GUI for Csound. It was a great experience. A lot of friends were made while making this. I finally got enough working to say I did something with it. A detailed instruction manual still needs to be written, but anyone actually turned on will poke around figure it out and make it work. It still can be tweaked more but most of it is done so that the user understands its intent. Hopefully some ambitious person can take off with their own spin of this project. I will not be back to working on finishing it until maybe half a year from now. It’s good to have something concrete and usable to show for myself and for the IDM music community. See Screenshots @: http://mezcel.googlepages.com/csound_ghostwriter

In the next few week ill be going back to Quantico, Va. The second and final phase of my training and screening. What makes the Marines so tough is how they train. They put themselves through tougher situations than what the enemy ever would. An honorable Marine is a man who stands up, no, a man who fights for the USMC core values even in the face of the Marine Corps itself. On a softer note: In my quest for connection and community its this alternative nation of Maries I seek to be fulfilled in. Those who know me know I have lived for too long alone. Too long disconnected from something or someone special. The Marines are neither a thing nor a person. As people have chosen to discard my potential for life and love, the Marines chose nothing, Marines just are. The reference to alone is :Once i get my marines ill have everything I ever wanted. When we strive to act against the fallies of a fallen world often we will be alone. The future is still in God’s hands. If I am not to be a Marine, then my prayers are for a strong sign to still be something more. I think a lot of people have lost touch with their dreams and vision and settled with what others call the right choice or the better looking of your options. So sadly we either look for that or try to look like that ourselves. If I can do anything right in life before I leave this world, I don’t want to sell out. Not at least without a fight.

I never applied to BOSE, but my future goals are to get into the industry of acoustic engineering. I have been building a resume that will bring me at a conversational level to be a competitive candidate for employment in the industry. BOSE is a big name, but there are other companies similar and maybe even better. But I don’t care about better, I just want to be in the Audio game. For the time being I am about to start my original dream Job. The question is: will I keep it? As far as my dreams of sound engineering, I am and will always be working on it. Remember how I am always talk about lifestyle, and way of life. In the past year, I have been using every piece of my earnings to fund an education not learned in school but respected by professionals. PS: I did get accepted by the FSU graduate school department, but I backed out before classes started. My reasons for continuing school were bullshit. Maybe later. Beside I would never finish my degree, because of my government job and its travel requirements. In the meantime I am making good progress in acoustical engineering while building good professional connections through it. My outlook and strategy is that life takes time. Progress can not be measured by what spectators think they see. The right people will see though false images and focus on the truth. That is who i hope to work for one day.