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Song Info
Genre
Charts
Peak #274
Peak in subgenre #144
Rights
ya
Uploaded
November 16, 2007
Track Files
MP3
MP3 3.2 MB • 128 kbps • 3:29
Lyrics
I can't look into his eyes anymore
the act of lovemaking has lost all joy
starting to see through his ploys and tactics
why'd I have to fall for this boy?
I was clean and untainted, had waited for the right moment
the perfect scenario to initiate this displayed itself
a little less than a year ago
I'm not a hoe, I'm not.. but my bank of emotion is full, with feelings to blow
I let myself go in his embrace, pretty much lost control
I felt safe, and he cared.. at least he told me so
I may be gullible, but stupid, no, never that
and for a while, his words made up for the love
that his expressions lack
let's take it back a minute, at first he was my quixotic knight in bright and shiny armor
he'd serenade me for hours underneath my tower cell with promises to sweep me from this keep
and see me to a more peaceful state of mind
and I was inclined to let him, as beautiful as he was
it made it easy to forget them bad memories mom's marriage had been buildin up
I told him everything, and he'd pretend to listen
quipping up with a face aghast or a convincing laugh
as I broke down my life's description
I'd speak of how my stepfather would beat me, or indescritely peep at me as I'd bathe
and how my mother would just pretend it wasn't happening even when he'd strike her
I explained that I understood she was too scared to even be afraid
I broached the topic of getting away, and saw his face light up, anticipating the escape
he said he had some money saved, and that we could make our break here in the next couple of days
and foolishly I agree'd, having known him but mere weeks
packed my bags, prepared to leave, actually smiled at dad
as I told him to keep my supper on the heat
I'll be back in a couple hours turned into months on the street
running with my little coward, trying to find a place to sleep
we began to make our way, but where the money came from he'd never say
he'd just leave the hotel room in the morning, and come back with pay at the end of the day
I can't play that I was ignorant, I understood from whence it came
when something starting changin him, either the money or cocaine
he was knee deep inside a game best played from the sidelines
and when he became stressed, he'd express it on my flesh during sex
and I'd just accept because the rest of my life had taught me tears dry fine
so I could deal with it, right? I owed it to him, I felt
he was risking his life for me, I was just glad I could help
so welts swelled upon my body periodically, so what?
I always had a warm place to sleep and food in my gut
and it went like this for month's, his beautiful face gaunter by the day
then the beatings became more brutal, and made their way out of the bedroom
where they used to stay
so with a bruised face I'd wait for him, terror mixed with joy like oil and water
god.. when he apologized he look so like my stepfather
I watched him turn from a boy to man, then back to boy again
sheepishly listening to him unravel stories of how we can pay this months rent
get rich quick schemes turned into going broke less slow
that's when he turned to me, and said it's time I played my part in this show
I'm not a hoe, I'm not.. but sometimes your stuck in a spot
with only two options, a hard place or a rock
and plus, he promised that he loved me
and plus, I could pretend he cared
no stranger to doing something for reasons
that aren't really there
I convinced myself of nothing
I understood the frank and honest truth
but when the choice tank is gettin empty
it's amazing some of the things that you'll do
I've been trickin' for three months, Tim
needless to say I'm sick of the sack
I'm different now, less human
and I don't feel the old me comin' back
I'm Tired, Tim.. I've gotta go, it was beautiful what we had
but my soul is sick now, is it terrible that makes me laugh?
tell all our old friends to keep livin'
they're doin well..
and tell dad that I forgive him
and that I'
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