Lyrics
Nearly ev’ryone under the sun,
Yearly welcomes the holiday fun,
But carols and laughter,
Aren't all kids are after:
Clearly the Christmas Season’s begun.
Some children can't wait to wake early,
(The thrill is too great to take, surely),
And this one day a year,
With its wonder and cheer,
Adults seem to like the hurly burly.
For this, there’s a quite divine reason:
The bliss that excites this fine season;
The smiles on small faces,
Bring warmth to all places,
Even if weather outside is freezin’.
Some kids, though, are less than concerned,
With list’ning to lessons they’ve learned.
They might better behave,
If their bright parents gave,
A few threats they could get gifts returned.
Once a not-so-nice lad gladly stated,
Bad advice ‘cross the ice while he skated.
Proud he'd dreamed up a scheme,
Loudly screamed out the theme,
So began the great plan he created:
BOY: “Now everyone listen to what I’m explaining.
I’m starting a Yule School for gift-getting training.
I guarantee twice last year’s toy count—at least,
With my Christmas Classes—just ten cents apiece.
Inform all your friends, the first one’s right at four,
In the alley behind the Ol’ Lightly store.”
From the skaters word spread to the sledders,
“If you want presents better than sweaters,
Spend just one dime today,
And have more time to play,
Instead of ending up sending letters.”
It went ‘round through the town like wildfire.
From the snowman-builders to child choir.
Each new kid who found out,
Equaled bigger amounts,
For our bad lad whose cash had piled higher.
BOY Begins:
"I’ll start with the part that all smart kids remember:
The fact is, you practice this act mid-December.
Soon as school lets out for our winter vacation,
Begin slipping hints into your conversation,
About what smart presents keen parents are buying.
Then start being good (I mean, look like you’re trying).
You don’t even need to be certain your room’s clean.
Just wait for this date then repeat this sure routine.
A show like this should be enough to appease,
The grown-up gift-givers who you'll surely please.
Most parents like yours will do errands and chores, too,
To better afford more rewards from stores for you."
"Some like sending long Christmas notes to Kris Kringle,
But this plan will work well if that silly thing’ll.
Request of your parents (still better—insist this!),
They take you to meet him to TELL what your list is.
Say they’ll save on envelopes, ink, paper, and glue;
It’s just the most logical thing that they can do.
That should win this argument for your most just cause,
So off to the department store for Santa Claus.
He’ll wrap extra presents to bring you, I’ll bet if,
You map out a path so that he won't forget it.
Draw “X” at the end of the easiest route,
Then mention the milk and cookies you set out."
As the boy gave his toy education,
An elf passed by the class demonstration;
Heard the whooping and hopping,
He stopped his gift-shopping,
And then spied the outside presentation.
The elf heard the absurd information,
And the crowd’s rather loud celebration.
He knew Santa should know,
So flew fast through the snow,
And then dropped by his shop’s shipping station.
(Santa reads note and while finishing says:)
No, no, no—it’s so sadly distressing.
This whole mess is as bad as can be!
We must teach him our lesson, I’m guessing.
Go, go, go—bring that lad back to me.
(Elf brings boy back to workshop)
The boy’s eyes showed inside he was bubbling,
But Saint Nick said his tricks were quite troubling.
'Twas his and the elf's wish,
To see kids less selfish,
But each year their efforts required doubling.
Santa rolled out his old film projector,
On the screen flashed the green Elf Director,
Comparing all nations,
And their celebrations,
With the eloquence of a school lector.
INSERTED CHRISTMAS SCENES
SANTA: So, so, so—see, the message I’m stressing:
Holidays are for peace, love, and
