This song is about my journey through indecision regarding whether I should stay in a relationship or not. This is the first beat I ever made with my ex-girlfriend singing.
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Story behind the song
I was stuck. Deeply in love but constantly having relationship problems. So half of me said to stay in there and work our problems out, but the other half of me felt that I shouldnt remain in a relationship if im questioning it so much. This entire song was written on a train towards Nuernberg after a pretty big fight with my ex-girlfriend. It was raining like hell and I was En Route to my home...as well as a decision about what I should do. This song is about a dichotomy of thought. Forgive the recording quality please..it was recorded inside of an hour and is not yet equalized.
Lyrics
En route, not there yet but going
and all I’ve got to show is the skill of blowing smoke rings
my feet are soaking, lungs are blackened
and when I look back at the facts I don’t know what the fuck happened
The problem exists....but I simply can’t define
the results of which tore our souls out of alignment
so here I sit...in this dim lit dreary climate
findi ng the difference between what she thinks and what I said
why fight it....thoughts of splitting got me nervous
then in shined the light with a sign of cosmic purpose
it said “you there..don’t ignore the hand of fate
and when in the face of pain and shame don’t make no mistakes”
now my head is up...eyes are open
with a greater understanding of the paths that I have chosen
awoken...to the breath of fragile destiny
full of regret...’cause it almost got the best of me
no longer upset...but more prepared now than ill ever be
to express my heart and soul to you
I love you Stefanie.
Now the nights are cold, our days are over
‘cause I told her my emotions now our fire is smoldered
wishing I still had her head resting on my shoulder
now..nothing seems clear within the eye of this beholder
the fact is...I love her and always fucking will
she’s the greatest person I’ve ever met, yet still
I found myself drowning in guilt and indecision
a condition which drives me to regret our soul division
see if im only half there, and she’s completely in it
then the truth is she’s captive in this relationship prison
wochenende beziehung, from which this smoke has risen
created a prism which distorted my vision of living
in a position where im not subject to fights every week
to the point where I found it so difficult to speak
it came in streaks til I took my tongue out of my cheek
now only the future will show me if we were meant to be
so please forgive me, if I destroyed your feelings
but in essence its revealing a time needed for healing
taking it like a chapter, ill seal it with a kiss
tasting my tears every time I reminisce
addicted to your presence
now im quitting it cold turkey
maybe early, but you’re unearthly
and there’s someone more deserving
‘Cause this surge of emotion shouldn’t be there so often
abusing my thoughts and making me feel like im lost in
confusion, but the wounds on my heart will slowly heal
but until then im not gonna conceal what I feel
its so abstract without you, a complete surreality
the fact that your mad at me has fucked my mentality
now im tragically battling my spirituality
once central in my thoughts now im stuck in duality
but dichotomy comes automatically with a split up
mixed up, ‘cause half of me is gone and I miss ya
on a mission to keep ya in my life as my best friend
I understand if its hard, but lets give it a chance
so please forgive me, if I destroyed your feelings
but in essence its revealing a time needed for healing
taking it like a chapter, ill seal it with a kiss
tasting my tears every time I reminisce
