When I was a school boy
Goin to classes
Momma said keep it up
And you'll need glasses
One day pa caught me
Spreading my cheer
Said you'll go blind boy
I said dad I'm over here
You know it's true
But what am I supposed to do?
It's right there starin at me
Why do you think they call it Mr. Happy
The dog walks in
And my mind starts to roam
If I could reach like him
Boy I'd never leave home
Wait just a minute
I hear my mind utter
In the cabinet
I have some peanut butter
[Chorus]
One day the wife came home
And heard a little noise
She caught me playin
My pal and two boys
It's alright honey
Don't you shed no tears
I couldn't resist
The catalog from sears
[Chorus]
You may call it sick
But I feel its necessary
And now you see why
My palm is so hairy
Well that's the end of story
For you and me
Give it a try
And I think you'll agree
Everyone does it
But no one will admit
Just try it one time
I know you'll never quit
