Comet The Suicidal Goldfish
A eulogy and memorial service for a man's greatest friend...
Kicking around stupid names for a band and I had a sudden moment of inspiration-- or was it when nature called collect-- I started to feel a little flushed so I
Kicking around stupid names for a band and I had a sudden movement of inspiration-- or was it when nature called collect-- I started to feel a little flushed so I had to sit down. Finish my paperwork. And file my return. Then part of the room started to spin and it started to look like the Land Of The Lost. If everyone else can pass this kind of material off as music then we have it made.
Story behind the song
I wish that I could tell you that this song is intended to raise money and awareness to the plight of the countless discount store goldfish who die needlessly by their own fins. This is the real reason that there is such a high mortality rate among goldfish especially in the first 24 hours. These fish don't need new or better homes. They need a 72-hour hold and psychiatric evaluation. They need to be watched constantly and protected from themselves; however, this song is a work of fiction.
Any similarity between the characters in this song and any pets living or dead and/or any real life situations is purely coincidental.
The joke is really intended to be played for friends. The listeners who don't have the title of the song to spoil the plot. They will be wondering who this friend is until the first chorus when the cat finally is out of the bag. Could it be a real person? dog?
The hook is in the voice and emotion. There is also a subtle and subliminal mental hook in the way that one is trying to figure out how a simple goldfish would or could commit suicide. And there is also a bit of sarcasm in that people don't think that it is such a big deal to get this upset over a dog or a person, but when they find out that it is a goldfish then they will realize just how silly people can often be over their love of their pets while they let other human beings in the world die daily without much notice or regard. And by the end of the song you are almost convinced that if you were this guy's goldfish you would have taken the plunge a long time ago to put yourself out of your misery. This is intended to be a roller coaster of emotions in the beginning that leads us to brief moments of introspection to help us all to laugh at ourselves.
Lyrics
Comet - The Suicidal Goldfish
Music and Lyrics by T.B. Strong II (BMI)
(C)2006 All Rights Reserved by T.B. Strong II.
Posted here by special permission.
(SPOKEN:) Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to honor the memory of this man's greatest friend....
(SUNG:) He was a good and trusted friend,
until his little life came to an end.
It was a senseless act,
but he liked to taunt the cat.
He would follow my fingers fast,
as they traced across the glass.
He was such a happy sight,
when I came home at night.
And the part that really makes me sad,
is that he was really all that I had.
From the day that we first met,
the most loyal pet yet.
Didn't die on the first day,
like all the others that came my way.
Sole survivor of his school,
he never played me for a fool.
He was Comet - the suicidal goldfish.
He did the worse thing that a fish can ever do; he ate all of his fish food until his time on earth was through. Oh, Comet, I sure miss you.
We would play hide and seek together,
having fun regardless of the weather.
I can still see his grin,
the times I let him win.
So, why did he get so depressed?
Never once was it expressed.
Until that fateful day,
when he ended his little life that way.
He must have been feeling very ill,
or maybe he was looking for a thrill.
Too much watching the TV
shows on Discovery.
Did he try to run away?
Sometimes I wish that he could say.
Made it to an open pane
then falling like a drop of rain.
He was Comet - the suicidal goldfish.
He did the worse thing that a fish can ever do; he ate all of his fish food until his time on earth was through. Oh, Comet, I sure miss you.
He was Comet- the suicidal goldfish.
He did the worse thing that a fish can ever do; he ate all of his fish food until his time on earth was through. Oh, Comet, I sure miss you. Little Comet, I sure miss you
(SPOKEN:)Comet - the suicidal goldfish.
Notice: No goldfish were harmed in the recording of this song. Please write to your congressman about supporting a bill to conserve water and make the large corporations richer by mandating cremation or the donation of the little scaly bodies to science and medical schools as the only two legal forms of disposal for the goldfish cadavers.
