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If I'd have had a monkey_The_Nowts
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Surreal baggy groove about missed chances, daft dreams and finding light in the mess. Melancholy, funny, honest. Dance it off, think later.
alternative rock indie rock surreal alternative indie melancholic alternative dance nostalgic madchester ai music baggy beats britpop revival uk alternative indie singalong northern indie the nowts
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Alt-dance indie blending Madchester groove, indie rock grit, and modern DIY songwriting
ABOUT THE NOWTS The Nowts are a UK-based alternative band operating in the space between baggy indie, Madchester revival, alternative dance, and indie rock, blending Northern attitude with downbeat grooves and surreal, human-written lyrics. Drawing inspiration from the cultural lineage of The Stone Roses, Happy Mondays, Inspiral Carpets, Oasis, The Kinks, and British alternative music more broadly, The Nowts reinterpret that spirit for a modern, digital-first era. Rooted in UK indie culture, The Nowts’ sound is bass-led, rhythm-driven, and intentionally loose combining danceable grooves, psychedelic undertones, and DIY songwriting with a distinctly Northern voice. Their music sits comfortably alongside Madchester, baggy, alt-dance, and British indie rock, while also nodding to contemporary alternative production methods. While modern tools are part of the process, the creative core remains human: all lyrics are written, shaped, and arranged with years of DIY songwriting experience. The focus is on expression, mood, and movement, rather than polish or perfection. The result is music that feels lived-in, observational, and occasionally surreal capturing everyday British thoughts, humour, and contradictions. GENRE & STYLE Alternative Indie Baggy / Madchester Revival Alternative Dance Indie Rock UK Alternative The Nowts make music for late nights, long walks, warehouse echoes, and moments of reflection. Their tracks often balance euphoria and grit, pairing dancefloor-ready rhythms with lyrics that wander through memory, frustration, optimism, and absurdity a hallmark of classic British alternative songwriting. SOUND & MOOD The sound of The Nowts is: Bass-heavy and groove-forward Downbeat but uplifting Psychedelic without excess Raw, Northern, and grounded Designed to move both body and mind Their music appeals to fans of: Madchester and baggy indie British alternative rock Indie dance playlists Late-night and mood-based listening DIY and underground UK music scenes THEMES & IDENTITY Lyrically, The Nowts explore: Modern British life Northern identity Social observation Surreal humour and introspection Everyday moments turned sideways There is no posturing, no nostalgia-for-nostalgia’s-sake just a continuation of a British tradition of bands that prioritise feel over flash and truth over trend. FOR LISTENERS & CURATORS The Nowts are a strong fit for: Indie and alternative playlists Baggy / Madchester revival collections UK alternative and indie rock features Late-night, chill-indie, and alt-dance playlists Discover Weeklystyle algorithmic discovery Their tracks work particularly well in contexts where groove, atmosphere, and character matter more than genre rigidity. SUMMARY The Nowts represent a modern Northern alternative band rooted in classic British indie and dance culture, reimagined with contemporary tools and a DIY ethos. Their music blends baggy rhythms, indie rock energy, and alternative dance sensibilities, underpinned by human-written lyrics and a strong sense of place. Nowt much. Everything, really
Song Info
Genre
Alternative Indie
Charts
#52 today
#15 in subgenre
Uploaded
January 08, 2026
Track Files
MP3
MP3 7.1 MB 320 kbps 3:07
Lossless
WAV 34.2 MB
Story behind the song
Started as a daft thought really one of them late-night what ifs. The monkey’s just the thing you reckon might’ve sorted everything if you’d had it back then. Used AI to spark the sound, but the words are proper lived-in. It’s about growing up skint, laughing at the mess, and realising you were already getting by. Bit sad, bit funny. Like most good nights
Lyrics
(Verse 1) If I had a monkey and a secondhand suit A three-legged dog and a half-broken flute If I had a mum that didn’t scream in Morse And a dad who knew I wasn’t a horse If I had a sofa not made of brick And telly that works without smacking it Oh, if I had this, I’d be big and tall But I’ve got a kettle... and a hole in the wall (Chorus) La la la! I nearly made it! La la la! But fate just played it! La la la! Ain’t that the crawl? If I had a monkey, I’d have it all (Verse 2) My brother eats gravel, my sister sells glue My best mate believes he’s the man on the moon The telly said, “Smile! so I gave it my teeth Now I whistle in sleep and I dream through my knees I tried to get normal but normal ran off Left me with pigeons and vinegar cough If I had a chanceor a working phone I’d trade in my shadow for somewhere called home (Chorus) La la la! I nearly nicked it! La la la! But the world’s strict, innit? La la la! Down comes the sprawl If I had a monkey, I’d have it all (Bridge) I once found a crown in a skip behind Lidl Wore it three days, became King of the Fiddle The council complained, said "You’re scaring the bins!" But I knighted a cat and declared my own sins (Final Chorus ) La la la! Ain’t it bananas? La la la! Life’s full of dramas La la la! Down comes the brawl If I had a monkey, I’d have it all! (Outro) One boot, two socks, no plan, no clue I’ll dance with my shadow, how bout you?
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