Get Behind Me, Santa
On a snow day late last Fall, Took my nephew to the mall
Let him see the Santa Claus at Sears
And I thought how years before, I was out of work and poor
So I put on that red suit and beard
Standin with my nephew and a buncha brats
I could feel that buckle and the pillow pads
Silently I prayed to God and said “amen
That I’d never hafta do that job again
I’d be cursin’ BlitzenI’d be cursin’ Rudolf
How much can a grown man take
Took me nine to git the suit off
On a ten minute bathroom break
Plastic wise men and a rag doll in the manger
At least they paid in cold, hard cash
They swore synthetic whiskers were no danger
When they gave me lotion fer the rash
Kids were screamin’ for a pony
Kids were screamin’ for a panda
Now they want iPads and Sonys
So get behind me, Santa
Get behind me, Santa
Then when we were goin’ home, we saw Santa all alone
Outside with a soda and a smoke
And I knew just how he felt, in that crazy hat n belt
I’d have bet he had bourbon in his coke
It looked like a baby burped up on his suit
He kept searchin’ for somethin’ in his boot
And he sounded like the ghost of Christmas past
When he said an elf had stole his whiskey flask
Cos I’d be cursin’ BlitzenI’d be cursin’ Rudolf
How much can a grown man take
Took me nine to git the suit off
On a ten minute bathroom break
Plastic wise men and a rag doll in the manger
At least they paid in cold, hard cash
They swore synthetic whiskers were no danger
When they gave me lotion fer the rash
Kids were screamin’ for a pony
Kids were screamin’ for a panda
Now they want iPads and Sonys
So get behind me, Santa
Get behind me, Santa
