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04 Eighteen
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I'm an amateur with no plans to be anything else. I don't write much these days, but in my younger, less stable days I felt moved to write songs to express what was in my head.
Song Info
Genre
Rock • Rock Unplugged
Author
Phil Murray
Rights
Phillip E Murray
Uploaded
June 01, 2009
Track Files
MP3
MP3 4.2 MB • 128 kbps • 4:39
Story behind the song
The title refers to my age at the point in time this song describes. I was virtually homebound with depression and panic attacks, though I didn't really understand those terms at the time. I just thought I was hopelessly crazy. In 1997 I remembered several lines from a notebook I had kept during that prior period. I had thrown the notebook out in late 1987 when I put myself on mental lockdown and dragged myself back into society. Ten years later I was in a much better place mentally, but I still wanted to do something with the words. Written 1997
Lyrics
I see all the pieces on the floor but everywhere I look I find no glue Nothing here for me to reach out for Nothing here for me to hold onto and I can't seem to shake this indecision and it's such a tiny cell in this massive prison Every day gives way to the next Each one feels no different than the last There's not enough of me to be alone I lost myself behind the mirror's glass and I'll crawl back inside my shell this evening and it may not give me hope but it's safe and easy And here in my head I can close my eyes and lose another day and if I can't sleep I'll stare at the ceiling And here in my bed I can let it fade and slowly drift away It's just how I am- it's just how I'm feeling I can't tell if something can done but I don't want to lose a part of me A martyr should be empty of regret but without the regret I'm just empty and I fear it's too late to fix the damage and I wanted more from life than to barely manage And here in my room I can lock my door and try to block it out Turn on the TV and turn off my feelings And here in the gloom I can think these thoughts another hundred times It's just who I am- it's just how I'm dealing
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