Performed by - Martin Ashurst
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Story behind the song
This song is about a period of ten years when my wife and I were in and out of hospital with our daughter (aged 4yrs old at the start of the treatment) who suffered from a debilitating chronic illness. She has since had an operation in 2007 and is, happily, doing fine! :)
Lyrics
CRUCIFIXION
I’ve never met anybody with the strength you have
But now I’m sitting with you screaming through the night
And I’m crying on the telephone to my Mum and Dad
I’ve never felt so helpless in my life.
But I put on my brave face
So I can walk into that place
Where the wires with the blood in run into your little body keeping you alive
And I’ll have to wait ‘til you’re asleep so I can cry
But for now I turn my head
‘Cos there’s nothing to be said
Except, try to think of something else instead.
I never met anyone so young with such suffering
Even when they’re pumping morphine in your veins
And I’m calling up my wife saying ‘I need you here’
We’ve got to make some hard decisions for our baby girl
And there are needles everywhere from your feet up to your hair
I counted eight or nine and there’s one right up inside your spine
And this scene I have to fix on is like a crucifixion right before my eyes
Now the tears are rolling down my face in streams
Now this lonely room’s my world
As I watch my little girl
Hooked up to a myriad of machines
And those bleeding heart religious types I see
Tell her to have faith and she’ll be free
Or this thing that’s sent to harm her
Is something they call Karma
Sent to punish us for things we never did
And you tell me everyday, you get on your knees and pray
Well what good has all that done for her today?
Your time is better spent giving up your prayers for lent
‘Cos what good is that when God’s on holiday?
Just come and see the price she has to pay
So screw your platitudes and prayers
Until you’ve lived in her nightmares
She’s a daughter she’s a sister and she’s earned every blister
By walking ten hard years in these shoes
So please don’t make it worse talking like a Hallmark verse
When you really haven’t got a single clue
And we all know that a daddy should be Superman
He’s the one to solve your problems when you call
But I’m lying here tonight knowing you’re my Kryptonite
And I’m no superhero after all
I’ve never met anyone with your spirit
Even though your little life’s been so unfair
And in between the bad times you still live it
But still you have your moments of despair
And you say, ‘Daddy, take away this pain, I can’t go through this again
And I wish that they would kill me but instead they want to fill me
With drugs that blow me up like a balloon.
And I have to turn away
‘Cos there’s nothing I can say
And I can’t even pray to a God who’s disappeared from my world
Though the nurses, they are angels in disguise
They still find it hard to look me in the eyes
They tell me, ‘she’ll be fine’
As they attach another line
Even though there’s no more veins for them to find
And I’m angry at the Doctor and I’m angry at the Priest
From the woman who’s here cleaning to the man who brings the tea
And I’m furious at everyone until at last I see
That the only one I’m angry at is me
‘Cos we all know that a daddy should be Superman
He’s the one to pick you up after you fall
But I have to hold on tight to my piece of Kryptonite
Knowing I’m no superhero after all
And I’m talking to the parents by the doors
Making cups of tea we never drink
And we talk about the weather and discuss the football scores
Anything so we don’t have to think
Now I float out of my body so my sanity’s preserved
‘Cos I’m whittled right down to my final nerve
Though my head, it feels like thunder, I can’t let it drag me under
And is it any wonder I’m still sane?
But if it pulls me down, who’s gonna be around
To hold you when you’re screamin’ and wishing you were dreamin’
Desperate to wake up and end this fight
But that ain’t gonna be, now the clock says ten past three
And there’s gonna be no sleep for us tonight
Now you ask me how I cope?
Well I just keep a little hope to stop me from exploding
With this panic that I’m holding
It’s crawling underneath my skin like it’s alive
So as I lie here on her bed I let it wash o
