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Upton Park
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A song about Upton Park, a hole in the East End of London, set to the song Uptown Girl by Billy Joel
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Insane piss-taking (chipmunk) songs
It all started back in the mid '90s when whilst we were at school we started writing and recording songs about our teachers using the school's four-track recorder. However, due to the fact that half of us couldn't sing for toffee, we used to record our voices at a slower tape speed than the backing track, then bounce the final mix down at the higher tape speed again, resulting in silly chipmunk voices. Since then, we've acquired more up-to-date technology than the humble cassette recorder on steroids and a dusty old SM58, and we've even started singing properly... sometimes. We've written piss-takes about various train companies, McDonalds, the Fiat Uno, Upton Park in the east end of London, as well as more seemingly mundane inanimate objects like onions and cups of tea.
Song Info
Genre
Podcasts • Parody
Charts
Peak #23
Peak in subgenre #3
Author
The Potato Hermits
Rights
The Potato Hermits
Uploaded
September 14, 2008
Track Files
MP3
MP3 2.8 MB • 128 kbps • 3:03
Story behind the song
We've never liked East London. Two of us used to live in Stratford, E15, and we both relish the day we got out of that dump. If you want a real laugh, however, visit Hackney Wick.
Lyrics
Upton Park, I’ve been living in this hole for a year. I have been mugged in many backstreet paths. I wish my Mama never told me to move Into this hole that is Upton Park. It’s a cesspit in the East End of town. It’s so unlucky it’s in East 13, So now I’m looking for a new place to go. (But just not Bow.) And when West Ham have their Home games nearby, Just keep away ‘Cause you’re likely to die. I’d like to slit my wrists Just because I am living in Upton Park. You know, I’d rather lick the turd off my shoes. I’m getting tired of this East End torture And all the murders on the Barking Road. (Fifteen today.) Upton Park, You know, I can’t afford to move to Kent, But maybe some day those sadistic gangsters Will blow my brains out to a better place: Namely Hell. And when I’m walking I’m looking behind. I’m being chased By two men armed with knives. You see, I’m not so tough: I’ll just run Miles away from Upton Park. Muggers hang round here like flies round bulbs, And football hooligans assist them in Their evil ploy to torment everyone. (And they succeed.) Upton Park, A depressing cesspit. Can’t describe my contempt for Upton Park. Oh, Upton Park, Close to Stratford as well. Yes, it’s Upton Park.
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