featuring the rather fit FaT and his singing debut ;) check him out at www.soundclick.com/fat. this is a very personal song, please read the story/lyrics. everyone can relate to this on strong levels. beat by MisterKA www.soundclick.com/misterka
www.myspace.com/femminamusic
Hey everyone!!! thank you for checking out my soundclick page and I hope you like my music :) I haven't updated this in over a year, so I figured that a change was due. Here's what's going on these days...
NEW music will be up by January at the very latest! The 2nd album, "Sinful" is going to be a free download and only the best of my new work :) I've been really picky this time around with my lyrics and everything. It'll have a few badass collabs on it including one with my buddy Steve playing guitar.
Myspace- www.myspace.com/femminamusic
Story behind the song
I’m talking to my “inner bitch” which is my negative inner voice. I’ve always beaten myself up often to the points of self-mutilation (cutting) and a few times seriously planning/contemplating suicide. For example, every single sports event (even just practice) it wouldn’t be uncommon for me to tell myself how much I fucking suck at the sport, how I embarrassed myself at practice by my shitty playing, letting the team down, can’t do anything right, etc. This thinking would take place during games too. Ironically, the few times I made a comment like “thanks, but I really sucked today” coaches and people would be shocked that I thought that way. It’s something I’ve struggled with for a very long time. Depression has always been my comfort zone. My inner bitch has taken over my self-perception: physically, mental, emotionally, etc. Nothing I ever did was good enough. I’m extremely hard on myself, but thankfully I’ve been improving on getting rid of my abuse.
Lyrics
:::Verse 1:::
No matter the time, no matter the strife
You're always there by my side
And I know it feels wrong, so it gotta be right, right?
I mean, I really need you for tonight
While I'm crying on my pillow
Looking out the window
Is there anything out there to live?
Or am I condemned to this?
Condemned to split wits with my inner bitch
"hey! Take that back"
I know we've all been through it
Just another time I wanna die
See, existentialistic is the vision of your mission
So you never give me anything that I can live with
I never felt good before now
It always seemed like I didn't know how
Because I let you get to my head and now you're out of it
And I'm gonna keep you out, there ain't no doubt of that
:::Chorus:::
If I can't satisfy you
It must mean that I'm through
With my purpose in life
But if I keep trying to be
Then maybe you will see
I'm living so blissfully
Then I won't care what you think of me
:::Verse2:::
It's been over 4 years of therapy
3 different shrinks just to try to get you out of me
But nevertheless, you'll cause stress until the end of me
The fact is, you've only seen a fraction of the sadness that you've caused me
Acting like the math is on the backlist
If you want my soul so bad, then you can have it
I know I'm back-tracking, but really, I've had this
I thought that I was done and then you pull me back in
Now what the fuck did I do to deserve this?
I thought that I was a good person
Apparently not
"damn kid, I don't understand this. Why is your goddamn mind so outlandish?"
It's just the way I am
If you have a problem with that, then I don't give a damn
To the chorus...
:::Chorus:::
If I can't satisfy you
It must mean that I'm through
With my purpose in life
But if I keep trying to be
Then maybe you will see
I'm living so blissfully
Then I won't care what you think of me
:::FaT Verse:::
I got some demons in me I dont really mean
to be mean to you baby, this weed is in me
maybe thats the reason i'm sayin this shit
but I aint crazy, I just haven't felt like myself too much lately
try ta help you understand, but i've got no way to expain it
You see i'm constantly @ war with myself and i'm never winnin
And its been that way even when I think back to the beginnin
when I first started rappin it happened that first minute
never satisfied regardless of the effort I give it
The inner prick in me keep givin me the kick in the teeth
But all it do is get me pissed and have me livin in grief
boy what I'd do if I could flip over a new leaf
& tell my conscience suck a dick theres no more fuckin with me
All in my business try to fight it but its just too relentless
sometimes I wanna grab a gun and pull the trigger ta end this
So if you wonder why i'm snappy and I'm always defensive
Its not because of you its all this other shit I gotta live with
:::Chorus (both):::
If I can't satisfy you
It must mean that I'm through
With my purpose in life
But if I keep trying to be
Then maybe you will see
I'm living so blissfully
Then I won't care what you think of me
