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Song Info
Genre
Charts
#1,086 in subgenre
Peak #16
Charts
Peak #90
Author
Joe Wrabek
Rights
2004
Uploaded
January 14, 2007
Track Files
MP3
MP3 3.3 MB • 128 kbps • 3:35
Lyrics
[4/4, absurdly brightly–think Tom Lehrer]
THE ABOMINATION TWO-STEP
–J. Wrabek
[THE RAP: This probably qualifies as a religious song, since its subject matter comes direct from the Bible. There are whole sections of the Bible devoted to abominations. All sorts of things are abominations; the punishment for most of ‘em is death, usually by stoning. I figured out why the Bible says so few of us are going to Heaven: the rest of us have committed abominations and blown our chances. That's pretty sad news to swallow; I figured it would go down easier if it were in a form you could dance to. Hence, "The Abomination Two-Step." It's actually more like a polka, but "Abomination Polka" sounded kinda redundant...]
1.
If you've worn polyester pants, eaten chocolate-covered ants,
Buried your pet guinea pig and didn't wash your hands,
Those are all abominations, and I hate to break the news
But they've called the Inquisition and they're comin' after you.
If you eat oysters on the half-shell, that's an abomination, too,
And I hear they've got a special place in Hades just for you;
But what we did on Saturday is probably the worst
‘Cause the Bible says we really should have gotten married first.
CHORUS:
There's abominations ev'rywhere, the preacher told me so,
I heard it on the teevee, and on the radio–
We're all damned before we're started, and there's nothing we can do,
So why don't I come over and abominate with you?
2.
If you stayed out all night drinkin', and then you went to church,
It's two abominations if you didn't change your shirt;
And if you got poor eyesight, then salvation's been denied–
That's as bad as eatin' camel flesh and cheatin' on your wife.
Oh, the Bible's full of kinky stuff a fellow shouldn't see–
That's why they left the pictures out of Deuteronomy;
There's verses full of stuff you're not supposed to do alone,
And abominations double if you do it on the phone.
CHORUS:
There's abominations ev'rywhere, the preacher told me so,
I heard it on the teevee, and on the radio–
We're all damned before we're started, and there's nothing we can do,
So why don't I come over and abominate with you?
BRIDGE:
If you see abominations, you don't have to call the cops,
Just round up all the neighbors, and start ‘em throwin' rocks;
And if you're punishing transgressions, better not forget your own,
We've all got abominations–so we better all get stoned.
CHORUS:
There's abominations ev'rywhere, the preacher told me so,
I heard it on the teevee, and on the radio–
We're all damned before we're started, and there's nothing we can do,
So how ‘bout I come over and abominate with you?
REPEAT LAST LINE OF CHORUS TO END
(C) 2004 J. Wrabek dba Outside Services Ltd. All the usual rights reserved just in case. No abominations were harmed in the writing of this song.
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