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Steve is a voiceover artist/producer for a living, and for fun in his spare time.
Band? What band?
Song Info
Track Files
MP3
MP3 5.3 MB • 128 kbps • 5:49
Story behind the song
I received the text in an email, and decided to produce it as a comedy bit. I changed a few words, but the song remains the same.
Lyrics
How to request a song from the band:
When requesting a song from the band, just say "Play ... my song!"
We musicians have chips implanted in our heads, with an unlimited database of the favorite tunes of every
patron who ever walked into a bar, and all songs ever recorded. So feel free to be vague. We
love the challenge.
If we say we really don't remember that tune you want, we're only kidding. All bands know
every song ever recorded, so keep humming. Hum harder if need be. It may help jog the
memory, so just repeat your request over and over again.
If a band tells you they do not know a song you want to hear, they either forgot they knew the
tune, or they are just putting you on. Try singing a few words for the band. Any words will do.
Several times per set, scream your request from across the room, followed by the phrases, "AW
COME ON!" and, "YOU SUCK!" Exaggerated hand gestures expressing disapproval from the
dance floor are a big help as well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger up.
Put-downs are the best way to jog a band's memory. This instantly promotes you to the status
of "Personal Friend of the Band." You can bet your request will be the next song we play.
Entertainers are notorious fakers and jokesters and never really prepare for their shows. They
simply walk on stage with no prior thought to what they will do once they arrive. We don't
actually make set lists or rehearse songs. Most often, we just wait for you to yell something, and
then fake it.
An entertainer's job is so easy, even a monkey could do it. So don't let us off the hook easily.
your request is all that matters. Once you've figured out what genre of music the band plays,
please make your requests from a totally different genre. The more exaggerated the better. If
it’s a blues band playing, yell for some Metallica, Slayer, or Pantera. Likewise, if it’s a death-
speed metal band, be sure to request “Brown-eyed Girl” or some Grateful Dead. Musicians need
to constantly broaden their musical horizons, and it’s your job to see that it
happens....immediately.
''Talking” with the band.
The best time to discuss anything with the band, in any meaningful way, is at the middle of a
song, when all band members are singing at the same time. Our professional hearing abilities,
attained from decades of experience in front of massive loudspeakers, allow us to discern the
feeble, squeaky, and timid voices in front of us from the crashing, screaming and rumbling noises
behind us. We can also converse with you in sign language while singing, so don't worry if we're
in the middle of a chorus.
Musicians are expert lip readers too. If a musician does not reply to your question or comment
during a tune, it's likely because they didn't get a good look at your mouth in order to read your
lips. Simply continue to scream your request and be sure to over-emphasize the words with your
lips. This helps immensely. Don't be fooled.
Singers have the innate ability to answer questions and sing at the same time. If the singer
doesn't answer your questions immediately, regardless of how stupid the question may seem, it's
because they are purposely ignoring you. If this happens, immediately cop an attitude. We love this.
IMPORTANT-
When an entertainer leans over to hear you better, grab his or her head in both hands and yell
directly into the ear, while holding the head securely so he/she cannot pull away. This will be
taken as an invitation to a friendly and playful game of tug of war between his/her head and your
hands. Don't give up! Hang on until the singer or guitar player submits. Drummers are often
safe from this fun game since they usually sit in the back, protected by the guitar players.
Keyboard players are protected by their instrument, and only play the game when tricked into
coming from behind their keyboards. Though difficult to get them to play, it's
