My tip of the hat to the barrelhouse musicians of the twenties.
Crazy One-Man Freak Show
I have been writing songs for thirty years and have some real clunkers to my credit. What you will find here are the least objectionable of the lot.
I have been told I have a voice with the appeal of a room full of alarm clocks on a Monday Morning. I have a classic face for radio.
I had slowed down for a while before I ran across the Just Plain Networking songwriter's forum and got recharged by the super people there. Join us if you will at www.justplainfolks.org
I play to entertain me. If you find anything here of any interest, enjoy and welcome. If not, please send my address to someone you don't like.
Thanks and have a safe and harmonic life, Mike
Story behind the song
A dispatcher friend of mine was dating the young lady who was his assistant. She asked him one evening where the "Wide Load" signs were for the trucks. When she turned to leave, he told her if she didn't lay off the doughnuts she was going to have to wear one on her fanny.
Discussion followed, with lots of capital letters and exclamation points. She went home, and he and I came up with the idea for a line of Wide Load Jeans with spandex seats. We never did get the enterprise off the ground, but I did get a song out of it.
Lyrics
WIDE LOAD SIGN
© 2005 Mike Amason
v1
Now, it seems like every woman I know
is trying to drop a few pounds
But nobody loves a bone but a dog,
give me a woman that’s nice and round
You can keep all your stringy little diet queens,
Give me a porky little mama in stretched out jeans
I want a woman that needs a Wide Load Sign
Across the back of her caboose
V2
I had a bony little baby that rattled when she walked,
she was built like a coachwhip snake
She was long and lean, but she was hungry and mean,
and she didn’t have nothing to shake
There wasn’t nothing on her stuck out but her nose
She coulda gone swimming in a garden hose
So I got a woman who needs a Wide Load Sign
Across the back of her caboose
V3
The woman I found treats me like a king
but she ain’t no scrawny lass
Every time we go out to paint the town
It takes me two trips just to haul her personality
Some like ‘em soft, some like ‘em hard
Keep your buns of steel and just gimme that lard
I got a woman that needs a Wide Load Sign
Across the back of her caboose
V4
So if the boys ain’t lookin’ at you ladies
because you’re just a little thin and flat
Dive right into a grocery store
and pad yourselves out a bit
Then let it wiggle, let it jiggle, let it roll around
And they’ll follow your jelly roll all over town
They want a woman that needs a Wide Load Sign
Across the back of her caboose
V5
If you’re huntin’ for a honey, boys,
let me tell you what I have found
You don’t get your money from the license
unless you court ‘em by the pound
Don’t pick no little girl that’s skinny like a splinter
Get you one that’ll warm your feet in the winter
Get you a woman that needs a Wide Load Sign
Across the back of her caboose
V6
Yeah, go and get you a broad beam baby
to call your little turtledove
If your arms don’t quite go all the way around her,
it’s just that much more to love
Don’t spend your life with a tiny one, sighin’ and a-wishin’
The bigger the cushion, the better the pushin’
Get you a woman that needs a Wide Load Sign
Across the back of her caboose
I want a woman that needs a Wide Load Sign
Across the back of her caboose
