Various musicians from the western Massachusetts-based Soundboard forum on Mass Live
Lyrics
Well, I’ll be honest with you – I like to lie around
On practically any bed or couch I’ve found.
This discipline’s one in which I rarely shirk
‘cause I’m a lazy, selfish jerk.
I’ve got a level of comfort which I must maintain.
Relief is the only thought to tax my brain.
Yet even so, it seems like such hard work
‘cause I’m a lazy, selfish jerk.
I don’t consider others -– except regarding how they serve to help me.
I simply will not waste my time.
Instead I ring upon a chime
To summon those who live to keep me happy.
They bow while calling me sir, although I’m not a knight.
Such elegance would be wrong if not my right.
My passed-down pedigree provides this perk.
I am a lazy, selfish jerk.
I don’t need friends or lovers. They’d only interfere and cause me delay
In reaching my predestined goal
(And I’m well-suited to this role):
Of hosting my own slumber party all day.
And so you see my hired help is all that I require.
To linger so leisurely’s my grand desire.
What else d’you expect from a man who’s named Dirk?
I am a lazy, selfish jerk.
I am a lazy, selfish jerk!
Yes, I’m a lazy, selfish jerk!
COPYRIGHT 2001 BY PETER J. SCHINDELMAN.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
