If this seems too derivative of that John Grisham book 'Skipping Christmas,' or the movie that came out they made from it (Christmas With the Cranks?), my song predates them both by a good several years.
Someone once called my songs "acoustic punk in slow motion." To most people it just seems folky but with some vinegar.
Lyrics
How can they live without any kids
My uncle and my aunt
Dad said they never even wanted em
Mom said they did but they can't
And how can they live without Christmas
Have they lost their minds
They've gone and booked an island cruise
They're leaving us all behind
They're sailing for Tahiti
On the gift he knew would please her
Two weeks out and two weeks back
On the SS Ebeneezer
There's nothing red or green on board
Not even a Christmas pine
They've got the world's only band
That won't play Auld Lang Syne
How can they go
It's just not right
Won't they miss the colored lights
The choir singing Silent Night
The fruitcakes and the family fights
Relatives who drive them nuts
Hey, wait a minute, that means us
I don't know how they find
The nerve, it's so unkind
Well, it's nearly midnight
Christmas Eve
We're crabby, drunk and tired
And printed on this box it says
Assembly Is Required
The kids left cookies for Santa
But who will get the blame
If Santa just blew Sixty Nine bucks
On the wrong Sony Play Station Game
Well, thanks for the gift, I liked the card
The wrapping sure was cute
Who'd think such a small device could pull out
Leg hair by the root
And every time I use it
I sure will think of you
But wait, what's in this envelope
A Christmas cruise next year for two
Oh, what should I do
Well, by the time the last green needle
Is finally off the floor
When every Happy New Years drunk
Is off the road once more
When the giant crocheted* Christmas Smurf
Is down from the roof next door
The SS Ebeneezer will be
Pulling us back to shore
