Kitchen sink ballad. Oor Wullie meets Kes meets The Flintstones.
Glaswegian wi muffled guitar, and subsonic voice. The odd hook, and words that other people wid probably steer clear of.
Often abetted by Bruce Thomson on violin, as audible here. Watch this space, for The Average Wage cometh soon.
Mibbe.
Story behind the song
It's all in the pun. Get a good pun, and the song will follow. It worked for Garry Bushell, and it works for me.
Lyrics
You asked for it.
They lived in a house by the Pumpherston oil,
Derek, his mother and paw.
And she had this dream that they all could get rich
If he could dae things wi a baw.
So she sent her man down tae the store
With all of her cash for the week
She said, "Get in the sugar, I want Woman's Own,
And a flyaway fitba fur Deek".
But faither he was the impulsive sort,
And he spent half the day in the boozer.
And then he went back by the long way home,
Past the pet shop, the one where the doos are.
He got home, and they heard the door slam,
Said, "That sounds like your father's shoes.
Deek, can you see are the messages in?"
He said, "Ya, but Da's bought doos".
So Derek embarked on the journey of life,
Shunning the friendship of others.
While they were perfecting their penalty kicks
He'd be hanging with his birdy brothers.
And their hormones grew, and they noticed the girls,
Only Derek, he felt not a smidgeon.
One thing in common, they all liked the birds,
Only Derek was fancying pigeons.
And soon they got older, they started to wed,
Derek, he too fell in love.
Not with pale-skinned Barbara, of the mauve polo neck,
But a snow-white turtle dove.
And his mother incredulously cried,
"Deek, what's the matter with you?
She might be the only chance you'll ever get!"
He said, "Ya, but Da bought doos".
The wee man, he had more up his sleeve
He'd been racing his birds on the roof.
And as he was entering the public events,
Soon his bank balance was dirty proof
That he had done well and his father was proud
He said, "Son, you've made it all on your own there.
Now tell me which one I can pit a line on."
He said, "Try wee Gwen, she's a homer".
And soon he'd gone national, the top of his game
In demand with the BBC.
Parkinson sits in the opposite chair
And Derek's an interviewee.
"So, you could have played football or golf,
When you're young you've got nothing to lose.
Didn't you fancy a normal job?"
He said, "Ya, but Da bought doos".
Wee Deeky died at the peak of his fame,
God really had stuck the boot in:
Found himself caught in the way of a gun
Protesting gin clay pigeon shooting.
And he was buried in the Finavon doocot,
A mausoleum to me and to you.
And the people asked why, but the epitaph cried,
"Ya but da bought doos".
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