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Almost 99 (99 Problems Parody)
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Julia's got 99 problems but a b***h a'int one....
old school woo julia child childs je
THE OFFICIAL JULIA RAPS WEBSITE, among other things.
I've decided to be like a real rapper: no-talents who take other peoples music and change the lyrics, then take full credit. I take instrumentals and make lyrics as parodies, and do other comedy acts. My first album came out on the first of June, 2K4 named Julia Raps. For those who do not watch the food network, the Julia from Julia Raps is actually Julia Child, the old redheaded senile cook who died at the age of 101. Julia Raps is a hilarious collection of rap instrumentals, layered together with new lyrics in my Julia Child Impression, which totally bashes the idiotic people who write mainstream rap music. Several songs are availible to listen to (track list below). My reccomendation is "I'm just frickin' old," Which makes fun of the song, "I don't wanna know," by Mario Winans. For order information, click the idiot-proof "e-mail me" sign that should be somewhere on your right. I accept orders thorugh pay pal. For shizzle. Tracklisting: * = click the "music" link to sample these tracks 1. It's a Pimple (In Da Club Parody)* 2. Why do rappers say yo? 3. The Real Julia Child (The Real Slim Shady Parody) 4. I'm Just Freakin' Old (I Don't Wanna Know Parody)* 5. Julia Likes Drugs (Ghetto Superstar Parody)* 6. Julia Gone Mulilingual 7. Julia Goes To Foxwoods 8. Julia Vs. Super Mario 9. Rap Superstar (Parody of Cypress Hill's version) 10. Julia Rambles* (BRACE YOURSELF...LISTENING TO MORE THAN 3 MINTUES OF THIS COULD MAKE YOU MUCH, MUCH STUPIDER, BUT TRY TO LISTEN TO THE PART ABOUT MTV'S, "PIMP MY RV.") SHOUT OUT TO ALL MY HOMIES IN COMPTON.
Song Info
Genre
Podcasts Comedy
Charts
#4,152 today Peak #36
#1,294 in subgenre Peak #7
Author
Jesse Appell / Dan Goldman / Rick Ruben / DJ Benny
Rights
Benny's Home Cookin' 2005
Uploaded
February 18, 2005
Track Files
MP3
MP3 3.6 MB 128 kbps 0:00
Lyrics
Lyrics by Daniel Goldman, slightly modified by Jesse Appell: if you’re havin heart problems i feel bad for you son I’m almost 99 yrs old but I’m still going strong I’m a master chef, can you hear my pans clashin’ I make all my dishes with a lot o’ passion my doctors say “you should quit you’re too old” But he don’t know how many cookbooks I’ve sold If you grew up eatin’ rats to stay alive You’d be considered rich if you found a five those other TV cooks were all just born rich They didn’t work their way up like I did, bitch If you think my age affects my cooking turn on my show you haven’t been looking reviewers try and critizize my old ass on the chef charts I place last… fuckers I hate emeril and though he thinnks he’s the champ he, can’t come close to beating my shrimp scampi you can’t beat J.C. no matter how hard you try it takes more than onions to make me cry try and hit me [Chorus] {lung} the year is ’04 and I’ve gotta go to the mother f doctor yeah I’m feeling low he always sticks all these needles in me I’m like ‘what the hell doc, can’t you leave me be’? Now I aint trying to break the law so I resist the urge to pull out my saw I step onto the scale, I know what he’s gonna say I hear, “Julia, do you know how much you weigh”? 400 lbs, yes I know I’m fat, but I suggest you shutup, I’ve got a baseball bat so I rrun out of that place to the local hood where they’ve got some crack that’s really good He’s selling it at $20 a gram he obviously doesn’t know who I am He wants to sell me more but I’ve had enough so I go around the corner and I start to snuff I hear the cops coming to bust my ass so I sprint away you shoulda seen how fast you’ve never seen a woman my age run like that especially when you consider my thigh fat I’m as old as a mummy, and yes I look like one but I’m more fit than my grandson I may be old, but I’m no geezer I’m gonna conquer you like julias caeser stop me [Chorus X2] {walking} {cancer} [Verse Three] There was a time, a little while back people were respected, age didn’t mean jack but now they all hate me because of my age they judge me by the cover don’t even turn the page Once I made one mistake in last season’s closer Now everyone hates me like I’m some kind of Oprah you know that bitch from the TV show she was a traitor, but I’m just friggin’ old nobody appreciates the food I make They’d rather watch 30-year-old cooks make cake people also make fun of the way I talk so I break their windows with concrete blocks You see I get my revenge with guns and knives laugh at me, and It’s the end of your life I get away from almost every crime I’m not a suspect cause I’m ninety nine people think I can’t hold a gun most people my age don’t even have vision but when I come along you better get out the way Julia child’s gonna make you say help me [Chorus X3] Almost 99 and I’m still goin’ strong {if you got alzheimers I feel bad…} {if you can’t remember nothing…} {if you having heart problems…} Julia’s back, bitch! woo! DJ Benny on the tables!
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