last I heard of johnny he had tumbled off the corp'rate ladder
guess he landed in the place I liked to get a chimi platter
johnny's greasy face and hairnet told me fast food joints are hell holes
couldn't help but feel a little bad for whom the Taco Bell tolls
so I said hey, how's life been treatin' you?
like Ted Nugent treats a deer
like a baby treats his Pampers
I ain't had no luck in years
I'm a real unhappy camper
Buddy, can't you see...life's been treatin' me
like Ted Nugent treats a deer
told me that he lost his Porche and now he drives a puddle jumper
balin' wire tied around his busted muffler and his bumper
I could tell his snotty teen-age bossman made him kinda antsy
and then I remembered how his wife sure liked things nice n fancy
so I asked how's the wife been treatin' you?
like Ted Nugent treats a deer
like a baby treats his Pampers
I ain't had no luck in Years
I'm a real unhappy campers
yeah, we lost the spark...now she treats my heart
like Ted Nugent treats a deer
so I asked him to a bar downtown
said I'd gladly get the first few rounds
but he said he's due uptown at four
and his second job's more hi-tone
cos he's dressed up like an iPhone
near the Verizon store
I looked like Lady Luck had beaten him
I could see that life was treatin' him
like Ted Nugent treats a deer
like a baby treats his Pampers
he ain't had no luck in years
he's a real unhappy camper
yeah, he just can't win...fate's been treatin' him
like Ted Nugent treats a deer
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