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THERUBES-Testing123
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It all started a long, long time ago ... Ma got sick, Pa died, Sis took to whoring ...
novelty talking country blue
I wrote a bunch of novelty songs and recorded them with my friends. We were the Rubes. Our first album, UNDISPUTED, is a global legend.
We may not be virtuosos, ok, we're not virtuosos, but we've heard some pretty crumby songs played by so-called virtuosos in the last twenty years and well, we're just not impressed. On the other end of the spectrum, where attitude is all that, well, ho-hum. As for the state of country music today, don't get me started. In the words of Bill Clinton, "we can do better." Our motto has always been, "If we had better equipment, a better singer and some better musicians, just think how much better we'd sound."
Song Info
Charts
Peak #133
Peak in subgenre #41
Author
K. C. Wilson/W. W. Fixsen
Rights
Barnyard Productions
Uploaded
November 03, 2016
Track Files
MP3
MP3 8.7 MB 128 kbps 9:28
Story behind the song
Sound check at a local cable country show. Out of nowhere comes this jam.
Lyrics
Testing …1 …2 …3 … Testing Testing …1…2…3… It all started a long, long time ago Ma got sick Pa died Sis took to whoring Then my truck threw a rod in a raging blizzard Froze my feet off in the snow Put me in a wheelchair Till I carved me some feet Out of cherry wood Strapped them on Had to learn to walk all over again Or I’d a lost my job Delivering the mail Then the flood came Washed out all the crops I couldn’t take care of Ma anymore And I began to get depressed I started drinking whiskey Till I just wasn’t worth a damn anymore To myself or to anyone else I got passed over for promotion at the post office That pissed me off But they were right I was worthless I thought about going in there with My grandpa’s gun And shooting everybody But I didn’t Because, when Ma died I needed pallbearers Took all my savings to bury her I sold the farm and went on a drunk Lasted about a year and a half I woke up in Iowa In jail for mistaken identity Charged with criminal mayhem Next cell over was a preacher In there for pandering He saved me By telling a lie That he knew me and I was the wrong man Which was not a lie, that part of it I don’t know why they believed him He had a power, I guess Anyway, they let me go And I went south Walking Till my feet fell off I wove new straps out of roots and twine And hitchhiked part of the way Tto Memphis Where I met a magician He put me in his act Twice a night he cut off my feet Oh, I was a hit Then he took off with all the money Passed me off to the freak show I had a booth of my own in the side tent Next to the bearded lady I drank a lot Quite a bit And I didn’t care It was all I could do to get up in the morning And face another day I started putting on weight And my feet didn’t fit right anymore I couldn’t get the right kind of wood So I carved some in Florida some out of palmetto They weren’t worth a damn Then I went back to the wheelchair It was easier than walking with no feet Then I weighed six hundred pounds And took over As the fat man With a high pay But someone always had to cart me around And I‘d have stayed there But I was slowing them down So they left me off outside Lake City At a rest stop off I-10 I was totally helpless Ready to die or be mugged O something I was sitting here on this picnic table When you came along Asked me what I was doing here And how I got here You got time? You want to hear the rest of it? Well, do you? Response: Absolutely not!
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