Back When Everything Was (feat. Hatsune Miku)
Back When Everything Was... (c) 1996 Vagenda. All rights reserved - (January 17, 1996) (Composed at age 19) (Recorded on October 28, 2015)
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Story behind the song
*WARNING*
If you would rather enjoy this piece of art and have it come to mean something truly unique to you, do not read the backstory. Just as the band “Aerosmith” once criticized the music video industry of robbing fans from having their own visions of imagery associated to a song and supplanting it with some “official” footage, so too can knowing a songs backstory potentially come to rob it of having some special place and meaning for you.
Or both can exist. It’s all really subjective. Proceed with understanding.
Thank you,
V
The Official Backstory
This is another song about Jade. It is a song about love lost.
I had this relationship before Jade that was really significant and long, and when it was lost, I was destroyed inside. I was in a place where I didn’t want to be open to being hurt like that again.
Then I met someone that was also amazing. I pushed them away to protect myself. It was my own fault.
I had no defense, no ability to defend, against Jade. Something was just known, and there was nothing I could think, say, or do about it. My guard didn’t go down – it was just ineffectual like it wasn’t there, like it couldn’t be there. It was a screen door defending against water.
I felt like myself for the first time. I felt like myself without the self-hate, or internal judgement, and was enamored. It had qualities that would not be believed if I went into this.
Then I was told I didn’t have a lot of time to live. I was in extreme pain all of the time. I thought I was paying some price in karma for something I did and deserved to hurt like this. It was all encompassing and inescapable. It came to a head where my family was called into the hospital told I wouldn’t make it through the night.
Before this night came, I broke things off. I couldn’t say why. It was the most painful, regrettable thing I’ve ever done – but at the time I thought I was doing right by them in the long run.
I was wrong.
I wrote this song about a month and a half after the breakup, shortly before the first of what would evolve into many close calls with death.
Lyrics
Back When Everything Was...
© 1996 Vagenda. All rights reserved
(January 17, 1996)
(Composed at age 19)
(Recorded on October 28, 2015)
Back when everything was beautiful
Back when everything was true
Back when everything was innocent
Back when everything was new
I never wanted it to end
I never wanted it to be through
All I ever wanted was everything
Back when everything was you
I never wanted to hurt you
I never wanted to break your heart
All I ever wanted was everything
Now everything tears me apart
