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The IKEA Waltz
We needed some furniture inside our house, to replace the moth eaten and bare
John Lewis was awful expensive, you must be an MP to shop there
It’s always a trade off twixt quality and price
It must be well made and it must look quite nice
And from pr4evious experience you ought to think twice
before dancing the IKEA waltz
There’s aisles and aisles of tables and chairs, and wardrobes and rugs by the score
Light fittings, and cabinets and bed frames and shelves, and waste paper baskets galore
but the futons don’t look like the mattresses bounce
But they all have names that I cannot pronounce
And the wife says her wedding vows she will renounce
If we don’t dance the IKEA waltz
You go in at noon and come out after dark
And look for your car in the lot
And cannot remember just where you have parked
And you know that you’re evening’s shot
Still you bring it all home, unload box after box and lay it all out in a pile
And you look at the picture you can’t understand and accept that this might take a while
And when it’s assembled you look on with pride
Til your wife finds the screw that was trying to hide
And you say it’s a spare but she knows that you’ve lied
When you’re dancing the IKEA waltz
And it wasn’t much fun getting lost in the vaults, So you neck down some whisky, give her smelling saults
So for all of its failures and all of its faults Ive been dancing the IKEA waltz
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