33. You Don't Play No Ball-In-Hand
A vocal parody of You Don't Mess Around With Jim by Jim Croce.
I've been creating all kinds of songs for over 30 years, but I never sell any of them. I try to give them away to charities that have musician spokespeople, but
Story behind the song
This is about a true event, where I was teaching a young woman about playing pool, so I was shooting each shot behind my back to even up the odds. A pro offered his advice, but I told her not to do it, as he was too advanced, & he plays with the new ball-in-hand rule, which I hate. My only shot was a really messy triple combo, & I never make any triple combos, but this one somehow went in as planned!
Lyrics
Superman's got his Krypton,
Achiellies has his heel,
Frederic Ross Snider is a real fast talker,
But there's some that call him "shlameel".
Yeah, he's small & smart,
Like a fox's fart,
But he's sharper than a carpet tack,
And when the old folks can't get something right,
You know they all give Fred a crack!
And he will always say, "Jack, no no",
You don't play no ball-in-hand,
You don't leave the spot ball in,
You don't pull the cue ball from an 8 ball scratch.
And you just take it on the chin!
Doot dootle doot doot, you didn't win!
Out of just south of nowhere came a pool sharp,
He said I'm giving you my advice,
If you just shoot the ball it'll go in,
But I ain't gonna tel you twice.
She didn't listen to him & she missed the shot,
But she sure had a lot of fun,
And when the sharpie at down,
He had a pitiful frown,
But a smile when it was done.
Son of a gun! Tell us who won!
And Freddie had to say, "Jack, no no."
You don't play no ball-in-hand,
You don't leave the spot ball in,
You don't pull the cue ball from an 8 ball scratch.
And you just take it on the chin!
Doot dootle doot doot, you didn't win!
Well a hush fell over the pool room,
Freddie was shooting behind his back,
And when the triple mambo combo went in anyway,
They all about had a heart attack.
Yeah, he told about 100 people,
And he e-mailed a couple more,
And you better believe that the soakers in the hot tub,
Fell asleep & began to snore!
Oy, what a bore! We heard it before!
And now they have to say, "Jack, no no."
You don't play no ball-in-hand,
You don't leave the spot ball in,
You don't pull the cue ball from an 8 ball scratch.
And you just take it on the chin!
Doot dootle doot doot, you didn't win!
Yeah, Rjon got his back,
Stop trying to tell Fred's learnin' chick what to do,
Even if you do got a Ph.d in Pool Cue,
Hmm, hmm.
Yeah,.... ( Chorus )
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