A parody of Rod Stewart's You Wear It Well
I've been creating all kinds of songs for over 30 years, but I never sell any of them. I try to give them away to charities that have musician spokespeople, but
Story behind the song
I never did the flaming poop trick. Never stole clothes. Never punched anyone in the nose. Never hit or kicked any of the bullies that I ran from a lot, but I was really fast, & a challenge to them, & rarely did ever get caught. I did wear a bride costume to a Halloween party, but not pink tights. The guys kept grabbing the foam football halves in the bra, so I told them that we'd be tossing them around the yard after the party, but until then, to keep their mitts off my righteous boobs! My ex- dressed as the groom, & when we were shopping for the costume parts, shouted out in the store,"Hey, Fred! I don't think mine or your Mother's bra is going to fit you!", & I yelled back, since everybody was looking at me funny,"Honey! I don't think they heard you in the Post Office across the street! Yes! It's a Halloween costume! End of October, is it?!"
Lyrics
I had nothing to do,
'Cept to bag up some poop,
And set fire to it up on your porch.
I know that you don't know me well,
But I rang your bell,
Your shoe will stink, & then it will scorch!
And you run like hell,
A clever old gag, but it works all the time!
I couldn't afford shop thriftin',
And I went shop liftin',
So I wouldn't have to pay for my clothes.
He said, "Security!",
When he walked up to me,
So I punched that feller right in the nose!
And you run like hell,
Maybe next time, I'll have to pay the fine!
I remember them days in school,
I tried to be so cool,
But I came off looking more like a putz.
The bullies tried to pick on me,
So I had to flee,
When I kicked that big one right in the nuts!
And you run like hell,
Rarely get caught, if you practice a lot!
'Cause I ain't forgettin' that you done me wrong,
And I'm singing 'bout you in this stupid old song,
Now I'm running my ass off,
Trying to get away from you!
I've been running so long,
It's like a bad marathon.
I wanna write about the bridal gown,
That I bought marked down,
And wore with high heels on a Halloween night.
You know I really can't say,
How many guys there were gay,
But they kept on scratchin' at my pink tights!
And they run like hell
That slut Madonna's got nuthin' on me! No, no.
Now when I answer my door,
There's flaming poop on the floor,
And some kid'll kick me right in the crotch.
I really must confess,
If he's wearin' a dress,
It ties my panties all up in knots!
And I run like hell,
I got no respect for such a pain in the neck.
'Cause I ain't forgetting that I was once him,
And I pulled a lot of crazy stunts on a whim,
Now I'm running my ass off,
Because my balls are turning blue!
Stop being such a pest,
And give me back my frilly dress. Oh, yeah.
I've been running so long,
It's like a bad funny song. No.no.
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