A parody of The Rolling Stones' Satisfaction
I've been creating all kinds of songs for over 30 years, but I never sell any of them. I try to give them away to charities that have musician spokespeople, but
Story behind the song
I've had a lot of very good friends who were Mormon. I hated disco, & really can't dance right, but I do got a lot of cool moves. I don't really "sing" per se, but I can kind of mimic singing voices. I used to wear polyester pants, vests, & bell bottoms. I used to smoke & drink, & stink.... I can't really roller skate worth beans. I was on the boardwalk, wearing big gloves, & waving my arms wildly. Folks applauded, thinking that I was puting on a show, but I was just trying not to fall down again, & when I did, it was always on my hands. And some people do think that I'm just plain nuts, so I make fun about it. My Black friends used to ask me if I ever got any Janet Jackson yet, & I kept telling them,"No. Not yet." :) I sang it for a roomful of speed freaks, & when I finished, the biggest one said that he had just one question, & I said it with him,"I know. So how gay am I?".... I sang it while keeping my mouth wide open.
Lyrics
I can't get no, Janet Jackson,
I can't get no, Mormon action, ( Super Bowl action )
'Cause I'm snide,
My brain's fried,
Got no pride,
And I'm shy!
I can't disco!
I can't disco!
When I'm hustlin' with a schlep,
And I'm sliding here,
And I'm kicking there,
And I'm trying to stay in step.
But I, I got two left feet,
And I just can't sing,
That Village People thing! ( Hoo! Hoo! )
I can't disco!
Uh, no, no, no!
Hey, hey, hey!
I'm not that gay!
( Chorus )
When I'm in my vest & bells,
And I'm smoking this,
And I'm drinking that,
'Til my breath simply smells.
But I, I can't pick up chicks,
Because of the way,
That polyester sticks!
I can't disco! ( Etc, etc... )
( Chorus )
When I'm at the roller rink,
And I clap my hands,
And I bend my knees,
But my karioke stinks!
'Cause I can't carry a tune,
Or walk like I,
Just landed on the moon!
I can't disco! ( Etc, etc... )
I'm a schitzo! ( Repeat 3 Times )
My brain's in traction. ( Repeat 4 Times )
I'm a schitzo! ( Repeat & Fade )
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