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Nine Months
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Written by Gianni Parmesiani, Sang by Below Average Dave A parody of 'One Week' by Barenaked Ladies
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Podcasts - Parody
Previous peak charts position #13
Previous peak charts position in subgenre #2
Gianni Parmesiani (writer)/B.A. Dave (Singer)
January 15, 2009
1 version uploaded:
MP3 2.5 MB  •  128 kbps  •  2:46
Story behind the song
The second of two winners of the "Epic Parody" round from the AmIRight Idol Competition
It's been nine months since we did the deed We had sex-you've been carrying my seed Eight months since you've had to bleed Warnings on the box that we both just did not heed Six months since we told your folks I'm really getting tired of your old man's bad jokes Just today you felt like you peed But now your water's broken; it is your time indeed Grab your bag and keep your head clear And I'll get the car, dear You'll think you're riding with dale earnhardt I'll slam pedal to metal and get you to the hospital Now don't you panic Cause I know the fastest route by heart We're gonna make it, don't you worry Hon, don't you trust me Should be no traffic on the road Oh, no, hon, got to get gas Breathe, those pains will pass You look like you're about to explode Gonna have to speed and pay no heed Instead of follow gonna lead Feel like an outlaw kinda like eastwood's josie wales I can't find third gear; should be right here Hon, do you think that you could steer? Curse these eighteen wheelers; Move too slow just like big snails Hon, can I help it if I thought the cop here would get it Once I explained I thought he'd forget it He's one of those guys who can't have a family Can't understand why he's mean Hon, we're here now I'll get an orderly to help you to a wheelchair I'll park the suv and be right behind you It's been ten hours since the doctor came Went to look for him but didn't know his name Three hours since you asked for drugs Sure seems the staff is moving slow as slugs Been sixteen hours since I've had some food I asked for a menu and I was treated real rude Rest easy, hon, I'll be right back You see I'm hungry and I need to go find a snack Kentucky fried, hon, the popcorn chicken You want a handful? hey, they're finger lickin Don't be silly-doesn't matter-already fatter Let go; throw caution right to the wind Want burger king, hon? how 'bout a whopper? A smoothie topper From wendy's? really like the chocolate ones Or from mcdonald's? how 'bout french fries? Ok, you don't want fries And you'll kill me if I don't find a nurse Gonna get your doctor now, hon, Gonna make sure he's on the run, so don't curse Loudly cause it's kinda getting me a bit scared Gotta get her calm; she's like her mom Both start naming me and blaming me for all wrongs I've now done all that I've dared Hon, I can't help it; Think you look funny when you're in pain Trying hard not to scream and go insane You're the kinda gal who needs and epidural Don't know what I mean? so sue me I have a tendancy to laugh when I get nervous I have a bad habit of fainting at blood It's been one hour since you birthed our son Changed your first thoughts that he'd be our only one Some time 'til he's potty trained By the time he's done with college Our accounts will be drained Two days 'til we bring him home Just realized we've both grown up-isn't that insane? It's gas or he just smiled at me Who knew that having kids would make us both so happy He just pooped in his pants; time to change his nappy When he grows up I'd like him to call me "pappy" He seems feisty so let's call him "scrappy"