I head to the airport after work Flying home for the holidays Take the shuttle up and find my flight Guess I'd better check in Security Here I am waiting in line Have all these new security protocols, why? Are they going to save us? Or are they all just outrageous? So are they needed, have my doubts and yes they linger But I'm hoping to get fingered That's when the TSA man asked me for my ID And I showed my boarding pass And I showed a little sass Hope I get squeezed on the ass So I took my shoes off Placed them on the belt Put my valuables in a tray Stretch out my arms like yeah Spread out my legs like yeah, Now I got my hands up, They're patting me down I think they're gonna grab my…HEY! Yeah, being fondled by the TSA Yeah, being fondled by the TSA Gives new meaning to the friendly skies Everybody's feeling really loose I don't mind much while being touched It's gotta be good for the goose Didn't know they would be so picky It made me feel like a got a quickie I feel a little violated But I'm no longer constipated My heart is racin' and I'm just feeling befuddled I just really want to cuddle That's when the screener brought my favorite drink So I took my jacket off And I took my trousers off And I took my undies off Now I'm getting felt up They play with my schlong And my privacy flies away Groping my junk like yeah Grabbing my stuff like yeah, Wake Mr. Happy up While patting me down Not even gonna have to pay Yeah, being fondled by the TSA Yeah, being fondled by the TSA My strip search ends way too soon (way too soon) Wish that we could get a room (get a room) Set the mood while we're in line (we're in line) They play some Marvin Gaye and I feel alright! Come on and feel me up You won't find a bomb Just don't rub me the wrong way Shaking my butt like yeah (Oh, shaking my butt) Gyrate my hips like yeah, (Ooh Yeah) They feel my D cup It doesn't take long You know it really feels ok Yeah, being fondled by the TSA (Yeah) Yeah, being fondled by the TSA So I take my clothes off A full body scan You can watch me on the x-ray Poking my pack like yeah Squeezing my trunk like yeah Now I'm getting health care A rectal exam There's no contraband up there (contraband up there) Yeah (Yeah), being fondled by the TSA Yeah (hahaha), being fondled by the TSA (fondled by the TSA!)