This song is for and about my best friend Jenelle, who does an amazing job, but no body knows about it. So I wrote her an epic country ballad to make her the stuff of legends.
There are many types of story told dear listener
Some are quick and easily forgotten
While others are so extraordinary
They are told from generation to generation
untill their tales become legendary
this is one such story
Now this is important so write it on down
That Mrs. Johnson’s daughter always wore a big frown
So she thought to throw a party and invite the whole town
And would need the very best children’s party clown
She searched high and she searched low
She even went as far as to search too and frow
So her daughter she could show
A really great time for not much dough
Her options they were limited
She looked so hard she nearly fainted
Through countless performers she weeded
Until on Craig’s list this she posted
I need a performer for a show
Balloon animals they’ll need to blow
Be as strong as a bucking bronco
And I’ll need them on the pronto
They can be a chica or chico
I’m not looking for just any schmoe
So to my daughter I can be a hero
And to my neighbors not look cheepo
Mrs. Johnson had all but given up hope
Dear friends she was at the end of her rope
So sad that she could barely cope
Until a received an email she did scope
The email it was from one of her friends
About a girl who truly transcends
What a clown should be and recommends
That they hire her cause she’ll even work weekends.
So she called her up right on the spot
Hoping that the girl wasn’t a crackpot
And faster than a cowboy can tie a bowknot
She awnserd the line and kindly ended her fraught
Oh Jenelle is the greatest
Her wit is the sharpest
She is a cunning linguist
Her truth is the frankest
She may not be the tallest
She may not be the tannest
But her heart is the purest
Oh Jenelle
Legend of the party clowns, Jenelle
Now Mrs. Johnson was truly impressed
Because Jenelle isn’t just a clown she’s a princess
She’s been a mermaid or fairy and explorer named Doris
And she’s performed numerous parties including a briss
So Jenelle was hired as quick as can be
For a reasonable price with an over time fee
But Jenelle would have to buy her props quickly
Because the party was panned for this coming Sunday
Time passed fast, but Jenelle wasn’t scared
Just like a boy scout she was always prepared
She unpacked her wig because Johnson had declared
That fairy princesses aren’t dark haired
Oh Jenelle is the greatest
Her skin is the fairest
Her courage is the bravest
With children she’s the kindest
She may not be a harpist
Or an award winning cellist
But she certainly is the hottest
Oh Jenelle
Legend of the party clowns Jenelle
Jenelle pulled up in her tiny beige car
And using it like her own personal boudoir
Changed into her costume in an act most limber
That if seen, in a Girls Gone Wild Video she would star
She marched up to the door in her frilly pink dress
And Mrs. Johnson pointed to the back yard access
Jenelle adjusted her pointed hat with finesse
And set off to the guests she would surely impress
That’s when she saw the child a sight most vile
this sad sack she would have to beguile
so she told the kid joke about a one legged reptile
That’s when she saw the first hints of a smile
Oh Jenelle is the greatest
Her laugh is the richest
Her voice is the sweetest
Her smile is the warmest
She is quite modest
That’s why she’s not a nudist
Even so she gets noticed
Oh Jenelle
Legend of the party clowns, Jenelle
Jenelle told many a story and painted many a face
And from the birthday girl even received an embrace
So she thought she had accomplished her job just like an ace
When a man stumbled toward her in a drunken disgrace
This man was as huge as a thanksgiving feast
Blocking out the sun from the north, west, and east
He stared Jenelle down like a fiery beast
But our girl Jenelle didn’t move the least
Through garlic breath he began his speech
How women were worthless and continued to preach
And Jenelle’s answer she didn’t screech
But her words cut through him like a knife through a peach
Oh Jenelle is the greatest
A very talented artist
Her gaze is the fiercest
Her dreams she follows in earnest
Her hair may not be the tamest
And she may not be the sanest
But her friends are the proudest
Oh Jenelle,
Legend of the party clowns Jenelle
After Jenelle had told him just how to sit and spin
The fatty blubbered tears stained in cheese puffs and gin
Snot rocked from his nose which he wiped with a napkin
And jiggled off to the house and the safety therein
With a tear in her eye the little girl swore
That no body had ever stood up for her before
And now that her father wasn’t as cocksure
Because of Jenelle, she would be confident forever more
Mrs. Johnson thanked Jenelle for a job well done
Even paid her extra for the distance driven
And told her in their house she’d always be welcome
For quieting her daughter’s piggly demon
Now this dear friends is our stories last refrain
Bout a girl who solved her problem not with brawn but with brain
How a child’s happiness she did skillfully maintain
And that’s why Jenelle would do it all over again
Because Jenelle is the greatest
Her body is the ablest
Her fashion is the poshest
She always works the hardest
She may not be a gymnast
Or a medal winning cyclist
But she makes a great breakfast
Oh Jenelle
Jenelle is the greatest
Her manners are the quaintest
Her movements are the sleekest
In our regards she is the highest
She may be defeatist
And she may not be an optimist
But to our hearts she is the closest
Oh Jenelle
Greatest of the party clowns Jenelle