Every year, it seems there are more stories about people fighting while shopping for holiday gifts. This could also be called 'Maul Shopping' or, 'A Christmas Stocking Stuffed With Sharp Rocks'.
music
comedy
humor
parody
political humor
musical comedy
celebrity
stand up comedy
song parody
funny song
Lyrics
Christmas time, shoppers tussle
And, since I’m short on muscle
Screw being polite, they’re in for a fight
I’m Shopping With a Weapon in My Hand
Raucous boys and curmudgeons
Make no noise, once they’re bludgeoned
A club is divine for shortening lines
Shopping With a Weapon in My Hand
In the parking lot, I spied a great space
Wimp in a new Beamer beat me there
How I laughed, to see the look on his face
The moment I set fire to his hair
Tazer guns can be useful
On someone who’s more youthful
It’s jolly good fun, folks drool when they’re stunned
Shopping With a Weapon in My Hand
(flashback to years ago, when I was being desensitized to violence)
At the toy store there was just one X-Box
Some old lady snatched it from the shelf
I smacked her with a stocking stuffed with sharp rocks
And, as she dropped, I copped it for myself
Shopping’s through, stole a fly-rod
Maimed a few for an iPod
They got in my way, so I made ‘em pay
Shopping With a Weapon in My Hand
Shopping in a way they understand
Shopping… With a Weapon… in My Hand
Happy Holidays! See you at the mall!