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Santa Claustrophobic
A fun song / spoof on a classic poem
Single - $0.75
Country - Country-Pop
Previous peak charts position #609
Previous peak charts position in subgenre #93
Pat Lalli
May 26, 2006
MP3 2.9 MB
128 kbps bitrate
3:12 minutes
Story behind the song
This song was written & recorded as a hoilday gift for my friends
SANTA CLAUSTROPHOBIC (AS OF 10/16/04) PAT LALLI I WOKE UP AT MIDNIGHT LAST CHRISTMAS EVE AND HEARD SANTA CLAUS FREAKING IF YOU CAN BELIEVE HEAD FIRST DOWN THE CHIMNEY, IT HAD SO COME TO PASS ALL THAT MILK & COOKIES HAD GONE TO HIS ASS HE WAS STUCK IN THAT HOLE LIKE A CLOG IN A DRAIN AND HIS FACE WAS AS RED AS A GLASS OF NIGHT TRAIN HE SAID “BREAK OUT THE CRISCO & COVER MY BUM ‘CAUSE I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I BECOME…….” (FIRST CHORUS) ...Santa Claustrophobic in the chimney so tight, he isn't making this a very silent night we're gonna need the reindeer, rope, and all the elves if he's gonna make it out with all his jingle bells... HE WAS JAMMED HARD & FAST TO ALL OUR DISMAY HE’S QUITE CLAUSTROPHOBIC, ‘TWAS NOT HIS BEST DAY I SAID, “SOMEONE BETTER ACT QUICKLY OR I’M VERY CERTAIN THAT PRETTY DARN SOON HIS BUT WILL BE HURTIN’” HE STARTED TO PANIC, HE STARTED TO SWEAT THEN HE STARTED TO SWEAR (TO THE NEIGHBORS REGRET) “WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE SANTA” I HASTENED TO SAY, “THE CHILDREN ARE SLEEPING AND JUST A FEW FEET AWAY” (SECOND CHORUS) He's Santa Claustrophobic and he's in there good, there'll be no toys tomorrow in the neighborhood someone best do somethin’ soon or I believe he'll still be in the chimney, stuck on New Years Eve. THE ELVES WERE ALL PANICKED, THEY YELLED AND THEY SCREAMED BUT THEY’RE AS USELESS, AS BULL TITS, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. SO I CLIMBED UP THE ROOF THROUGH THE ICE AND THE SNOW WITH A BAG OF M-80’S AND YELLED LOOK OUT BELOW WITH A TREMENDOUS BANG HE CAME OUT OF THE POCKET LEAVING A TRAIL LIKE A HUGE BOTTLE ROCKET HE WAS OUT OF THE CHIMNEY, LIKE A SHOT FROM A CANNON AND AS HE WAS FLYIN’ HIS BUTT HE WAS FANNIN’ AND I HEARD HIM EXCLAIM AS HE FLEW OUT OF SIGHT MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, BUT NEXT YEAR MAKE MINE A BUD LITE ( CHORUS) ..They called him Santa Claustrophobic in the chimney so tight. And it’s a sad statement that we laugh at his plight But it’s his own fault that he’s gotten so plump He’s got to get to the gym and get rid of that rump Oh Santa Claustrophobic will be OK now As long as we’re there to help him out some how We’ll be dropping by the North Pole come the first of the year With a case of chocolate Slim Fast and a Thigh Masteer
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