Inspired by a recent part I attended...

I’m in my early 30’s And I used to like to party But now I’m all grown up. I don’t act like I’m nineteen. But then I got that little invite, To the office party tonight. A reward for all our work, a chance to blow off steam. An open bar and free food Karaoke to complete the mood And they watched me get all drunk and then pass out. And what’d they do… They wrote I’m a dickhead Right across my forehead And they drew some fake eyelashes And a big ole fu Manchu. And I can’t believe this But they drew a bright red penis On my cheek, as I took a leak Where I was laying. Then I grabbed the closest container I could find. And puked like I was dyin’. And now I look like Braveheart Still waitin for it to wear off. In the dark they all grabbed sharpies, instead of dry erase. The whole company was a witness While those artistic sons of bitches Played a game of Pictionary on my face. Now the office all remembers me As the guy who puked in the kitchen sink And heckled karaokers at the mike Just the ones I didn’t like. And now I’m a dickhead Says so on my forehead And I got these fake eyelashes And a big ass fu Manchu. Hey, can you see this? It’s a, it’s a bright red penis On my cheek—yeah, I took a leak And I ain’t denyin. Can you just hand me that shredder over there? I’m gonna puke like I’m dyin’ And tomorrow’s gonna suck. It will feel like eternity To think about why I did all this? Why did I do all this? I think I’m gonna get sick. I think I’m gonna get sick—bluuurupp! Oh god, I’m a dickhead Just look here on my forehead And my Tammy Faye eyelashes and my big ass fu Manchu. Oh I look ridiculous With a, a bright red penus On my cheek, hey, somethin’ stinks. Why you all cryin? Stop laughing and hand me the flower pot right there. I gotta puke like I’m a dyin’ So I puked like I was dyin’ Come on, stop messing with me. Screw you! What? Yeah, take my picture! (Puke) Sorry. Is that pineapple?