For all of you who wake up in a cold sweat thinking, "shit, I'm gonna be old" and for those who wake up in a hot flash because it's already happened. There is something weirdly fascinating about watching yourself get wrinkly.
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Charts #2,773 today
Charts #912 in subgenre today
September 02, 2004
Story behind the song
Cerebrations on the topic of aging are what old people do, my son - that and talking about the latest treatment for the latest diagnosis.
Hi, welcome to my slam and stand up comedy web site. Hey, I could be sitting down -- you'd never know.
I'm 58 years old. In sociological terms, I'm moving from Old-Young to Young-Old. Gee, thanks. Now I've got Old and Old-Old to look forward to. Lovely people, sociologists. To top it off, I'm precocious. I'm aging fast. .
Age does have its advantages.
At 54, you're unemployed - YOU'RE A BUM.
Just one year later, at 55, you've taken “early retirement”. People assume you made lots of money and invested it wisely.
Unless, of course, you're a former civil servant or a politician. In which case YOU'RE A BUM -- with a great pension.
There's just one thing that frightens the crap out of people my age - you know what I mean. Say it. Come on, say it. Okay, I'll say it. BABY BOOMERS.
Didn't people have anything else to DO after world war 2? Somebody should have said GET A HOBBY. Well, I guess its kind of a hobby.
There are more people alive RIGHT NOW than in the entire history of the world. Used to be, almost everyone died young. Over centuries, the population began to increase. Then, somebody discovered the problem. Sex .
Church people - priests, mostly, made rules to prevent sex but was the problem solved? It wa s not! The priests couldn't understand this refusal to follow the rules. Some even became Protestants to find out what the fuss was.
Another disastrous moment in history was the invention of childhood. Previously, everyone thought children were not only short and annoying but oddly perishable . Oops. Then, came hygiene. More people had more sex MORE often. I bet you think I'm now going to dis antibiotics -- no! You've missed the point. The problem is progress itself. First, sex, then being nice to babies, then deodorant, then Internet dating -- the list is endless. It's got to stop. Without progress the earth would still be green. You wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be here. No baby boomers, no senior citizens, fewer teenagers, even fewer adults ... the world would be perfect, just like it used to be.
Need more solutions to life's problems? -- keep on listening.