Okay, the parental advisory label may be overstating it, but if pappy is a preacher he could object to this piece. It has a good message, though I never know these things until after I listen to myself.
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Previous peak charts position #5
Previous peak charts position in subgenre #1
August 29, 2004
Story behind the song
I was thinking about my sister-in-law and an incident from long ago. The religious part just insisted on coming along for the ride.
I have a friend named Maria - well, not really a friend, more like an acquaintance. Well, not really an acquaintance because these days, with call display, nobody has to put up with acquaintances. No, we're related. In short, I'm stuck with Maria.
Maria has a number of irritating characteristics: she's slim, she's blonde, she jogs, she gardens, she does pilates, she's an immaculate housekeeper ...
I think I could forgive Maria for just about everything but the immaculate housekeeping. THAT is just too much. Hey, immaculate housekeeping - immaculate conception - Maria - Mary. Coincidence? Maybe not.
I wonder how Mary was with the stable: Joseph, wipe your damn feet. shepherds? Shepherds! Give me a break. I'm down on my knees all day and you and a bunch of shepherds want to track up my floor... What DO YOU MEAN three kings are coming? I don't care if they're from the East, the West or Australia. I'm not ready for kings. If I had help around here I'd be ready for kings. It's not my fault, Joseph. Do you get up with the baby. Do you? Until you get up with the baby, you can just take your sandals off at the door and you can FORGET shepherds and donkeys and little drummer boys and especially kings.
Jesus, Mary, Joseph! - oops, sorry babe. Momma's coming.
I was visiting Maria's house one day when I decided, this is NOT possible. It can't be this clean. So, I locked myself in the main bathroom and I did what no woman with principles would ever do to another woman. I searched for hidden dirt. Yes, I did. I looked behind the toilet. I searched through the medicine cabinet. I took stuff out from under the sink and peered into the dark corners.
And guess what I found! I should have known.
NO DAMN DIRT.