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Negating Hope Schematic
Podcasts - Comedy - Adult
Ben Power/Ben Power
October 05, 2016
MP3 4.2 MB
128 kbps bitrate
4:32 minutes
Negating Hope Schematic As a starving dog in 2011 I was tossed one bone My docs had Fritzl’d me again with good ol’ Klinefelter's Syndrome Yes, life was being so wonderfully nice that I deserved a little shite Seems, in layman's terms, I'm a genetic hermaphrodite With an extra X chromosome in my DNA What a lovely beginning to those 19 months of grey It was a bit of a bugger to tell you the truth Though I discovered a solace in gin and vermouth There ain't much a martini (or 12) will not fix Apart from the calming, sympathetic words of total pricks So I'm completely infertile and my future looks black? Well guys, thanks for telling me at least I don't need johnnies in the sack I must have got in the gene pool when the lifeguard was off duty No, that last one's not my line but it did seem pretty fruity Oh, and gynecomastia, which perhaps explained the tits Yes I know you won't believe me but I'm not talking shit Of course, a hell of a dose of Olanzapine was also on the table Lending a fair old whack to being chemically disabled There was me informed that the obesity was from drink If I'd known the other side I might have gone and shot those shrinks And yeah, while I'm on the topic of being ridiculously open I had a hypospadias as a kid when my willy was broken If you're wondering what that means I can't be bothered to explain Just know it's a process with a drill and a catheter and lots of sterling pain I remember bright, warm school days pissing at right angles From a skin-tube that looked like it passed though a mangle More like playing the fucking bagpipes than peeing Perhaps that's why I'm such a stable, well-rounded human being We won't even get onto the Autophagic hell though Since the medical community don't know their arses from their elbows Suffice to say, unbelievably, it's not a purely psychiatric trait But good fucking luck telling that to a world diagnosed with hate Anyways, for the Syndrome I get this injection A needle in the bum, so no room there for objection A dose of testosterone every 12 or so weeks When my stress levels rise and morbidity peaks A beautiful nurse, like the image of Venus Who smiles as she does it and notes down that penis Still, the cock is fixed up, just, but the thing is my coccyx Snapped off in a teen windsurfing crash in the tropics Actually, sod it! It was Cornwall instead But even rhyming the word ‘coccyx’ fucks with your head On the point: windsurfing, I don't think it's all that surprisin' I was active back then and much less of a bison But it's really hard to strive for harmonious inner perfection When your tailbone is scraping the wall of your rectum More fissures to deal with, oh thank you god You miserable, vicious, interminable sod You've left me with a bloody anal fixation A stumbling paragon of arse degradation And one fine day, quite soon I fear My head will disappear fully up my rear