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05. How To Be In A Band (Late-Nite Infomercial)
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Podcasts - Stories
Charts #339 today (peak #42)
Charts #29 in subgenre today (peak #4)
Wesley M. Dodson Jr.
2014 Last Entertainment Corporation of America
May 03, 2014
MP3 5.0 MB
160 kbps bitrate
4:26 minutes
Story behind the song
Wes Dodson - narration, samples Bob Harrell - narration Recorded in Hockley, Texas 08 September 2010 http://www.reverbnation.com/protard
Lyrics
THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM MAY CONTAIN LANGUAGE OR AUDIO IMAGES THAT MAY BE OBJECTIONABLE TO THOSE OF A FRANK OR SENSITIVE NATURE. LISTENER DISGRETION IS ADVISED... *** IMAGINE AN INSTRUCTIONAL TAPE THAT PRODUCES GOBS AND GOBS OF MONEY, SO QUICKLY, EASILY, AND EFFORTLESSLY... IT'S LIKE A FAUCET YOU CAN'T FIX - GUSHING AND SPEWING A NEVER-ENDING CONSTANT FLOW OF CASH MONEY! MULTIPLE STREAMS OF INCOME! THIS IS THE KEY TO YOUR FINANCIAL FUTURE! SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR DAY JOB AND LIVE YOUR DREAMS! GETTING STARTED IS REALLY EASY. YOU DO NOTHING BUT GET DRUNK, TAKE LOTS OF PILLS, AND HAVE SEX ALL THE TIME! "I WAS BROKE AND LIVING AT THE YMCA 6 MONTHS AGO..." SIX FIGURE INCOME? WE'VE DONE IT! WE'LL TEACH YOU HOW TO BE IN A BAND, LOOSE WEIGHT, AND MAKE MONEY! PUSH PLAY AND GET RICH! HAVE YOU EVER DREAMED OF PLAYING A WICKED GUITAR SOLO UNDER THE SPOTLIGHT IN FRONT OF THOUSANDS OF SCREAMING CHICKS? KEEP DREAMING. CHANCES ARE YOU'LL NEVER PLAY LIKE THAT, AND, IF YOU DO, CHANCES ARE YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ANY MONEY DOING IT. ROCK BOY HERE TO TELL YOU THAT PEOPLE DON'T CARE ABOUT GUITAR SOLOS ANYMORE. WHAT WE'RE GOING TO FOCUS ON IN TODAY'S LESSON IS HOW TO FAKE IT IN ALMOST ANY SITUATION. IT'S EASIER THAN YOU MIGHT THINK. WE'LL ALSO COVER HOW TO BREAK A STRING AS WELL AS HOW TO PISS OFF YOUR SINGER WITH SOME REALLY COOL NOISES. FIRST OFF, LET’S GO OVER SOME FUNDEMENTALS. YOU’LL NEED A GUITAR AND IT WILL NEED TO BE IN TUNE. IF YOUR AXE SOUNDS LIKE THIS – IT’S NOT IN TUNE. IT SHOULD SOUND LIKE THIS - . ONE MORE TIME FOR YOU SLOW POKES - . LET’S MOVE ON… IT’S SHOWTIME…YOUR BAND HITS THE STAGE. YOU’VE HAD WAY TOO MUCH TO DRINK AND YOU FORGET HOW THE SONG GOES. SOME OF US DO THAT EVEN WHEN WE’RE SOBER. IN EITHER CASE, THE THING NOT TO DO IS PANIC. ODDS ARE GOOD THAT NO ONE HAS EVER EVEN HEARD YOUR MUSIC, SO, YOU CAN FAKE IT. MOST PEOPLE ARE STUPID ANYWAY. THEY’LL NEVER SUSPECT A THING. THE SAME APPLIES TO WRONG NOTES. THEY’LL THINK YOU MEANT TO DO IT. IT’S ALSO A GOOD IDEA TO KEEP A CAN OF SPRITZ ON YOUR AMP SO YOU CAN TEASE YOUR HAIR WHILE YOU FAKE IT. IT’S VERY IMPORTANT TO LOOK GOOD, EVEN IF YOU CAN’T PLAY VERY WELL. BREAKING A STRING COMES PRETTY EASY IF YOU BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR GUITAR. DON’T BOTHER TO CLEAN OR BABY YOUR GUITAR IF YOU THROW IT AT THE DRUMSET AT THE END OF A SHOW. EXPENSIVE GUITARS ARE POINTLESS. KOREAN MADE YAMAWHOS AND IBANHADS TAKE ABUSE WELL AND ARE GOOD FOR SPARE PARTS. YOU CAN BREAK UP TO FIVE STRINGS AT A TIME AND STILL PLAY. JUST IMAGINE DAZZELING YOUR FANS AS YOU RECITE SMOKE ON THE WATER WITH ONLY ONE STRING! THERE ARE VARIOUS NOISES THAT YOU CAN MAKE WITH A GUITAR. A WIDE ARRAY OF SOUNDS THAT YOU CAN USE TO IRRITATE DOMESTIC HOUSEHOLD PETS, THE POLICE, AND OF ALL PEOPLE, THE GUY WHO SINGS IN YOUR BAND. AMONG OTHER TECHNIQUES, I LIKE TO MAKE A GUITAR SQUEAL LIKE A PIG. THAT’S ALL WE HAVE TIME FOR TODAY, KIDDOS. I HOPE YOU FOUND TODAY’S LESSON ENLIGHTENING AND INSPIRATIONAL. I WELCOME YOUR LETTERS, ‘CAUSE I USUALLY STEAL IDEAS FROM THEM. UNTIL NEXT TIME...
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