Heard a parody rap group, "Dr. Iced-T and the Lemon Tarts," that had the line "one gas station and an old folks' home" in one of their routines, and that was a line that needed a song to go with it.

[4/4, brightly (but in monotone)] ONE GAS STATION --J. Wrabek [THE RAP: At the Hoffman Center talent show, there was a quasi-vaudeville parody rap group, “Dr. Iced-T and the Lemon Tarts,” who had the line “one gas station and an old folks’ home” in their routine. It was one of those lines that needed a song to go with it, so it got one. I have no idea whether they’d want to perform this, but I’ll send it to them. Belated thanks to the late Corky “Greydog” Bernard, who had a whole song some years back about the “Chicken Coupe de Ville.”] 1. G Bobby’s got a Cadillac parked out back, C With the engine gone and the tires flat; G Chickens moved in, and they’re in there still, C C7 Bobby’s got a Chicken Coupe de Ville; F They lay their eggs on the driver’s side, C And it gets real messy when you pretend to drive; G Bobby figured out how to make that stop— C Now there’s fresh roast chicken at the coffee shop. We got.. [GO STRAIGHT TO CHORUS—NO EXTRA BEATS] CHORUS: G One gas station and an old folks’ home C And a couple ladies sellin’ things on the lawn; G They’ll be real happy that you stopped in, C C7 You’ll raise the population by five percent; F And y’ oughta check out the coffee shop, C They’ll be real surprised when you show up; G Their mouths’ll come open and they won’t shut up G7 C For years after you’re gone. 2. Last time a President come through town Was when Wendell Willkie’s car broke down; They made him wait at the coffee shop While they got the gas station opened up; Ev’ryone remembers the things he said, ‘Cause y’can’t repeat ‘em in front of the kids; Never knew a President could talk like that— And we’re all hopin’ that he comes back. We got… [GO STRAIGHT TO CHORUS, WITH NO EXTRA BEATS] CHORUS 3. On the edge of town is the ‘Welcome’ sign, Where the deputy sheriff spends his time; He pulls ‘em over and makes ‘em stop Right in front of the coffee shop; Ain’t no jail since the jailer died, So you’ll have to go home and meet his wife; Once you spend time with the sheriff’s kin You ain’t gonna want to get caught again. We got.. [GO STRAIGHT TO CHORUS, WITH NO EXTRA BEATS] CHORUS 4. And every night when the power's out There's acoustic music at the coffee shop; They got a big string bass and a saxophone And they'll play their song until the cow comes home; Talkin' ‘bout how things used t'be When we had Faith, and Hope, and Harmony, But they got married and all left town And made the divorce rate go way down. We got… [GO STRAIGHT TO CHORUS--NO EXTRA BEATS] REPEAT CHORUS REPEAT LAST 2 LINES OF CHORUS TO END © 2012 J. Wrabek dba Outside Services Ltd. All the usual rights reserved just in case. No chickens were harmed in the writing of this song—I just wanted to throw a good scare into ‘em.